You Are Wearing the Wrong Bra Size

 How I learned to rebel against the tyranny of small cup sizes.

Before, I was one of the 80-85% of women who wore the wrong bra size. Talking to my friend recently about bra fit, I explained to her that I was a cup size C. She called me a liar. I explained to her that since my band size was so small, I had to go up a cup size. We have had at least two more conversations about this, and I still don't think she believes me.

I was the same, before (maybe not quite as stubborn). I had been raised, by society, to believe that I was a small-breasted girl (which I am) who would never wear more than a cup size A bra (which I don't). Who knew that what letter your bra size was could be so tyrannical?

Whenever I went to Victoria's Secret to try on bras, I always stuck to size A or even AA. That's how small my breasts are. I can easily go bra-less, unless I'm going running.

But one day at Victoria's Secret, I got measured and was told that I was a cup size B. "That's weird, " I thought. "I'm not sure if I believe that." But because the bra seemed to fit, and because I usually defer to authority, I started wearing a cup size B.

One day, while on vacation in Taiwan, I went with my mom to get measured for bras again. I bought some bras in the Taiwanese/Japanese system, but they felt uncomfortably tight. So I started researching bra size again.

It turns out, just as 80% of women wear the wrong size bra, 80% of the weight of your breasts should be supported by the band of your bra. So if your bra straps are always digging into your shoulders, you are wearing the wrong size bra. However, the band should not be tight enough to dig into your skin.

Then, I found out that if you go down a band size, you must go up a cup size. I'm not making this up. I didn't come up with this system, but if you go down a band size, you must go up a cup size.

Exhibit A: See how a size 34A and a size 32C are both size "S." Even a DD can be considered "M" if your band size is 32" or smaller. Bra size is an interaction between band and cup; it's not just about the cup.

 

Exhibit B: Notice how a size 34AA, 32A, and 30B are all in the same column. That's because the cup sizes for all of them are equivalent.

So now instead of wearing a 34A, I'm wearing a size 30C (cup sizes equivalent). My bras fit me very well, and I don't have trouble with my shoulder straps anymore.

There are plenty of resources to help you find your proper bra fit, whether you run large, small, or medium. Wearing the right bra size can not only help you look better, but can improve your posture and is better for your health. Here are some resources:

Look and feel better!

Guide to Proper Bra Fit and Measuring

Brasize.com

Women-Health-Info.com

Bra-Sizes.us

85B.org

Would Swishing by Any Other Name Be as Cheap?

Swish (v): to rustle, as in silk,
or your friends' clothes.

I swished this weekend. Or rather, I went to a clothing swap. It was awesome. Free clothes, timed conditions--it was like being on a game show. There was also socializing and snacks. One group I hooked up with had a whole strategy down. While we were still arranging our discarded clothes, they gathered their favorite items into a corner.

The way it worked (at this particular exchange) was that each person (girl) drew a number, 1 through 3. 1s would go first, then 2s, then 3s. Whoever happened to get a 1, would grab as many of the most coveted items as she could.

We would all have five minutes to grab six items at a time.

One of our group was a 1, and grabbed many nice things. I was a 2, and missed out on some asymmetrical braided leather sandals, but I grabbed more of the coveted pile. Actually, since I'm leaving the country soon, it was my intention only to dump, not to grab, and then see if I could live on my assigned capsule wardrobe.

But there were so many nice things.

Price of a new Banana Republic Skirt 
at Banana Republic: $80
 Price of a used Banana Republic skirt
at a swish: $0

One girl grabbed dress after fabulous dress, even as the rounds went on. I was inspired to do a little hunting myself, and probably grabbed some things I didn't need (but hey, it was free!). The gratis nature of the activity also encouraged me to try on or grab things that I wouldn't normally have bothered with. I had never been a bag person before, but I took home half a dozen (partially justified by how I would be more in need of bags to compartmentalize my things). I also got a dress that needed to be fitted, a pearl necklace, and a black pencil skirt from Banana Republic--just what I needed seeing that I my work skirts had gotten too frayed, too small, or too warm for the weather.

I had brought shoes, skirts, dresses, tops, jackets, coats, and jewelry. Some of it, I was sad to see go, but I was also mollified to see my peacock green dress from Thailand to go to one of my friends. Another dress, a black and white lace confection that had never looked good on me, was claimed by another girl who made it work. It made it easier to see my former clothes go, seeing other people wanting them. It also flattered my sense of style.

Bags to bring clothes to and from home vs. Bags to bring home.

I went in with a large trunk and a full bag and came out with few enough bags and clothes that they could fit inside the black traveling bag I had originally brought. Other girls recounted their own successes. They had come with two bags and come out with one. One girl was disbelieving. She had come with two bags and come out with three! There were still a ton of clothes left in the swap room. They would be left there until the next clothing exchange. Sometimes the owner of the property made donations to charity. Other times, when she was sick of her closet, she would go down and hunt for something new.

Swishing is a great way to rustle up some new clothes and accessories for yourself. It's a great way to reduce and revitalize your wardrobe. It's good for the environment, is great for socializing, and doesn't cost a thing. Organize one in your town this weekend.

It's Not Slut-Shaming If the Dress Doesn't Fit

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Thinkprogress has an article denouncing slut-shaming in school dress codes because . . . a school did not allow middle schoolers to wear tube tops to their middle school prom. I take issue with the article. Granted, female nudity and all its variations are still made too much of, but while banning high school students from wearing tube-top dresses is both futile and inane, banning middle school students from wearing tube-top dresses . . . kind of makes sense. What are they wearing tube tops for anyway? It's like the legendary student at Berkeley who went around naked (with a towel, so there were no hygienic concerns): you could do it. But why?

Let's list all of the reasons a girl (middle school age or older) might wear a tube top (or other item of clothing), from most to least damning, more or less.

1. You are emulating a pop star/movie star/that girl from Cosmo
2. All the other girls are wearing it
3. It's Fashion!
4. It's really pretty
5. You are rebelling against one or more adult figures in your life
6. You want sexual attention
7. You want to feel sexy/pretty/confident
8. You want to express your personal style
9. For political reasons
10. Because it's really hot (the weather, not the tube top)

How dare she dress like that?

Notice that hardly any of these have to do with male sexual attention. More of these have to do with female attention, peer pressure, and the fashion industry. Starting about three-quarters down, we get into the whole dress-for-yourself thing, and one political motive (think Femen)--where you are still utilizing your body for shocking, attention-getting reasons, albeit to point out the fallacy of the shockingness of the female body.

Anyway, I don't have a problem with a middle school (how old are these kids? 13?) banning tube tops. Frankly, I actually think it's more of a concern that high school Mormon girls have to custom-make their prom dresses if they want actual sleeves on the dresses. There were some comments in the Thinkprogress article that noted that the school dress codes seemed to be imposed by old men, but the fashion industry is still largely perpetrated by men as well (albeit gay men).

Why is this fashionable?

As long as the school dress code is consistent, gender-equal, and can explain itself, then it's not slut-shaming to send a girl home for wearing a tube-top, anymore than it is to make a boy wear P.E. shorts because he cannot un-sag his pants. Dress codes exist for a reason, especially at school. Adults have to follow them, why shouldn't students? Would it be appropriate for a middle-school teacher to wear a tube top to chaperon the prom? Probably not, because a teacher should be trying to maintain an air of professionalism, even at a party. We should have the same standards for students when they attend class. It's a learning environment, not the beach, or even the mall.

Now let's get to the unwanted male attention part. Though I do believe the best way to prevent sexual assault is to teach people to not assault others, woman should also be defensive. Just as people learn to be defensive drivers, because they know there will always be jackasses on the road, people should be defensive dressers because there will always be weird sexual predators in the world. We put off certain vibes based on how we dress. How a girl dresses may not affect whether or not she gets raped, but girls in scanty clothing are more likely to talked about in terms they'd most likely rather not be discussed in. If a girl wants the attention, then fine, as long as she is informed. If a girl does not want the attention, or not the that degree, at the very least, the girl will be labeled a tease.

Aren't we getting too carried away with this? Like with Janet Jackson's supposed nipple incident? Sure. Maybe someday women can go around topless. Hey, women do it all the time in Europe. At the beach. Not at work. Not at school. Maybe that will change someday, and society will be better for it. Nowadays? It's just not worth it.

In the meantime, dress fabulously--even if you do have to cover up.

Whom are you dressing up for?

BFF had some sort of altercation with DB about why girls dress up and/or show off their bodies and whether or not they get bad attention from creeps. I'm not really sure how it went down, but at the very least, I have to be grateful for DB for presenting his unusual world view to me.

But it got me thinking. Why do women dress up? It has been my belief since high school that women dress up more for each other than for men. This view is not shared by men. They feel that women are dressing up for them, or for guys in general, some of whom are creeps who will give the women bad attention.

Saying women dress up for men is like saying men pump iron for women. Sure, that may be why a majority of women/men do so for a majority of the time. But it is certainly not the only reason they do so. So why do women dress up? There are 4 reasons.

1. Impress Men
 
I'm not going to deny this one. Women assuredly dress up for men. They want to look nice for them. Sometimes they want to look sexy. Sometimes they want men to drool over them, even if they have no intention of giving any of those men the time of day.*

*Society calls these women "teases," but I hate that word. Yes, sometimes women purposefully tease men. Sometimes they just change their minds. Either way, once a women says no or shows resistance, it is unethical to touch her. Remember that, please. No matter how a woman is dressed, DON'T ASSAULT HER!

My BF also points out that a lot of the clothes women wear tends to be designed by men, primarily gay men, so you can think of it as women being dictated to by men. Whether or not the percentage of women designers will increase is hard to say. Personally, my favorite designer is Nicole Miller. I discovered this by browsing designer dresses at Bluefly. Every time I liked a dress, there was an 80% chance it was by Nicole Miller. 

Resort dresses by Nicole Miller

You could also say that women dress a certain way to look professional for work, and that that's for men (or The Man, specifically). It's more of a society in general thing than specifically for men though.
 
I don't have that much more to say about this, except . . . women spend a lot of time getting ready to go out with men--the hair, the make-up, the clothes--they're famous for making men wait for them. Why? Men don't appreciate this 99% of the time. Maybe women are primping in hopes of that 1% magical walk down the stairs moment? What about all those times a girl gets a new haircut or wears a new dress and the guy . . . doesn't notice it? Can we be that oblivious? Are we dressing against this tide of indifference? Or are women dressing to:

2. Impress Other Women

Female rivalry has deep roots. Sometimes it's about men. Sometimes it's about the lead in a ballet (i.e. career). Sometimes it's about popularity. Sometimes, it's even about clothes. Whatever it's about, clothes become a woman's weapon. This is obvious when it comes to men, but what about for a career or popularity, which includes men and women?

Women are very critical about the way other women dress. This is not always nefariously motivated. Women spend a lot of time thinking about, looking at, talking about, and shopping for clothes. They assess not only their own outfits, but those of the women around them. When women get together, they may look at fashion magazines or Victoria Secret catalogs (or the online version, nowadays) to find women, hair, and make-up to emulate. Or maybe just to envy. Women learn how to dress not by passively buying what gay men tell them to wear, but by observing how other women dress. Some of these women might be models and celebrities, but a lot of them are the real women they see around them. After all, there's only so much money available for clothes.

For women, shopping is a team sport.

And what if a women dresses unusually poorly? If the women are catty, they will talk about her impending demise. If the women are nice, they will wonder what is up and maybe arrange a makeover. A makeover not only requires new hair and make-up, it will inevitably require new clothes, and shopping. That's another reason women dress up, to

3. Celebrate Their Clothes

Here's an anecdote from today. I got dressed, because I had to; I leaving my apartment. I rifled through the clothes on my beside table that I had worn only once and grabbed a pair of shorts. I had checked the weather, and it was going to be fairly warm. Also, I can only wear shorts on the weekend, because they are inappropriate for work. These shorts are pretty short. But! I did not buy them to attract guys.

Okay, I bought the shorts because of other girls. One day I was looking at some pictures of a summer event and I realized that my shorts were longer than those of all the other girls. I also realized that I had had those shorts since middle school (by this time I was in college). I decided I needed to get non-granny shorts.

Regardless of why I bought the shorts, the reason I am wearing them right now is because I like them, because they are comfortable, and because I hardly get a chance to wear them. One of my favorite sayings is that women don't buy dresses for events. They buy dresses and then find events to wear them to. I have twice as many dresses in my closet as I should have, considering how little I wear them, so a lot of times when going out to something even slightly special, I wonder if it would be overkill to put one of them on. I know I should get rid of some of them (and I will), but the thought of that is difficult because I like them all so much.

The neglected dress. Being enshrined in a closet isn't enough.

So that's another reason women dress up--because they feel like they're neglecting their nice clothes. Lastly and most importantly though, the reason women dress up and/or show off their body is for: 
 
4. Themselves

Duh. Any time a fashion show wants to talk about why fashion is important, they talk about how fashion affects one's self-esteem. Of course, one's self-esteem can't be completely resurrected by a good wardrobe--nor do I think the wardrobe should even play a large or foundational part. It might help though. After all, one could argue that a woman (or a man) who doesn't care about what she looks like has given up on herself. She has no respect for herself or the people around her. It's not a bad thing to take pride in one's appearance.

Sometimes a women will compliment another woman on her appearance. The first women might say something along the lines of, "I was feeling yucky today." The other women will nod in understanding. Sometimes dressing up can make you feel better about yourself, even if no one admires you but yourself.