tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89187612499861216592024-03-04T20:43:10.205-08:00Girls Gone WiseIntellectual and self-indulgent meditations on feminism and femininity.Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-81416450791344654152013-06-21T02:48:00.000-07:002013-06-21T04:44:25.985-07:00You Are Wearing the Wrong Bra Size<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"> <i>How I learned to rebel against the tyrann<span style="font-size: large;">y of small cup sizes.</span></i></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAmBrQtkFlcb1lv4oVU8jdiMIF7WCnvUc6T0-6urWWkUz3geURtvZdzOKiyw90JkUAlQ4kIfe2FfaSIHMwFw8RUR3WjyJ7hWQOKm-_b1PZIrZ2vopez7hLiMNZ0MUUvqF1btzgPnb32ySi/s1600/wrong-bra-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAmBrQtkFlcb1lv4oVU8jdiMIF7WCnvUc6T0-6urWWkUz3geURtvZdzOKiyw90JkUAlQ4kIfe2FfaSIHMwFw8RUR3WjyJ7hWQOKm-_b1PZIrZ2vopez7hLiMNZ0MUUvqF1btzgPnb32ySi/s1600/wrong-bra-3.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">Before, I was one of the 80-85% of wome<span style="font-size: large;">n who wore the wrong bra <span style="font-size: large;">size. Talking to my friend recently about bra fit, I explained to her that I was a cup siz<span style="font-size: large;">e C. She called me a liar. I explained to her that since my band<span style="font-size: large;"> size was so small, I had to go up a cup size. We ha<span style="font-size: large;">v<span style="font-size: large;">e had at least two more conversations about this, and I still don't think she believes me.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">I was the same, before<span style="font-size: large;"> (maybe not quite as stubborn). I <span style="font-size: large;">had been raised, by society, to believe that I was a smal<span style="font-size: large;">l<span style="font-size: large;">-brea<span style="font-size: large;">sted girl (which I am) who would never wear more than a cup size <span style="font-size: large;">A bra (which I don't<span style="font-size: large;">). <span style="font-size: large;">Who knew that wha<span style="font-size: large;">t letter your bra size was could be so <span style="font-size: large;">tyr<span style="font-size: large;">annical?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Whenever I went to Victoria's Secret to try on bras, I always stuck to size A or even AA. That's how small my breasts are. I can<span style="font-size: large;"> easily go <span style="font-size: large;">bra-less<span style="font-size: large;">, unless I'm going running.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">But one day at Victoria's <span style="font-size: large;">Secret, I got measured and was told that I was a <span style="font-size: large;">cup size B. "That's weird, " I thought. "I'm not sure if I believe that.<span style="font-size: large;">" But because the bra seemed to fit, and because I usually defer to authority, I started wearing a <span style="font-size: large;">cup size B.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">One day, while on vacation in Taiwan, I went with my mom to get measured for bras again. I bought some bras <span style="font-size: large;">in the Taiwanese/Japanese system, but they felt uncomfortably tight. So I started researching bra size again.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">It turns out<span style="font-size: large;">, just as 80% of women wear the wrong size bra, 80% of the weight of your breasts should be supported by <span style="font-size: large;">the band of your bra. So if your <span style="font-size: large;">bra straps are always digging into your shoulders, you are wearing the wrong size bra. However, the band should not be tight <span style="font-size: large;">enough to dig <span style="font-size: large;">into your skin.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then, I found out that if you go down a band <span style="font-size: large;">size, you must go up a cup size. I'm not making this up. I didn't come up with this sy<span style="font-size: large;">stem, but <i>if you go down a band size, you must go up a cup size</i><span style="font-size: large;">.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPpP_LaJQsMLALy63LbBHXt6JOvV3hQsJ3gOGnykEa6H8pN0G9nW1zqQRHRxI9ex6YYv50rP0o9x7vrfKqTT2PyBIEJyEV_olTNdh8Objo5f8BnrYXhdUbyqpsD5F_Z5xIuy-01RocsI5Y/s1600/size+chart+adjustable+drop+cup+bra.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPpP_LaJQsMLALy63LbBHXt6JOvV3hQsJ3gOGnykEa6H8pN0G9nW1zqQRHRxI9ex6YYv50rP0o9x7vrfKqTT2PyBIEJyEV_olTNdh8Objo5f8BnrYXhdUbyqpsD5F_Z5xIuy-01RocsI5Y/s1600/size+chart+adjustable+drop+cup+bra.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://spinsorpnile.blog.com/2013/04/30/bra-sizes-in-order-biggest-to-smallest/">Exhibit A</a>: See how a size 34A and a size 32C are both size "S." Even a DD can be considered "M" if your band size is 32" or smaller. Bra size is an interaction between band and cup<span style="font-size: small;">; it's not just about the cup<span style="font-size: large;">.</span></span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEWbvvtZ1RiAKZYm0w5TXlJBybHHnBMGXO1GhqtRowoBFsxAjYc7EfTn2iuKzgc6YL6CpFI2ce7Vnm8w4l0oJolrtE3q4mo7QAoxE6dL1Ge_nCgxs1sZAbulzykWA7ZgzYVs6Tv5CNmEbA/s1600/breastformsfittingguide2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEWbvvtZ1RiAKZYm0w5TXlJBybHHnBMGXO1GhqtRowoBFsxAjYc7EfTn2iuKzgc6YL6CpFI2ce7Vnm8w4l0oJolrtE3q4mo7QAoxE6dL1Ge_nCgxs1sZAbulzykWA7ZgzYVs6Tv5CNmEbA/s1600/breastformsfittingguide2.jpg" height="459" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.ladieschoicemastectomysupplies.com/fitting-types">Exhibit B</a>: Notice how a size 34AA, 32A, and 30<span style="font-size: small;">B are all in the same column. That's because the<span style="font-size: small;"> cup sizes for all of them are equivalent.</span></span></span></td></tr>
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</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">So now instead o<span style="font-size: large;">f wearing a 34A, </span>I'm wearing a size 30C (cup sizes equivalent). My bras fit me very well, and <span style="font-size: large;">I don't have trouble with my shoulder straps anymore.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">There<span style="font-size: large;"> are plenty of resources to h<span style="font-size: large;">elp you fi<span style="font-size: large;">nd your <span style="font-size: large;">proper <span style="font-size: large;">bra fit, whether you run large, small, or medium. Wearing th<span style="font-size: large;">e righ<span style="font-size: large;">t bra <span style="font-size: large;">size can <span style="font-size: large;">not only help you look better, but can improve your posture and is better for your health. </span></span></span></span>Here are some resources:</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh6u67zfyO2y6HjSiMKMYlaM3OVh2enl4ova72BSUItxz8INfUnrFyXGGClsWgMzYlLWvEjOswQjDS5SsxlLMYzp0YCjU2qbqPgTGLY6-RhNkcq48R7_DmWfC_lYGF1ee77oaTyVkqLCPJ/s1600/wonderbra-chic-lace-bra-black-anthracite-9331-p.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh6u67zfyO2y6HjSiMKMYlaM3OVh2enl4ova72BSUItxz8INfUnrFyXGGClsWgMzYlLWvEjOswQjDS5SsxlLMYzp0YCjU2qbqPgTGLY6-RhNkcq48R7_DmWfC_lYGF1ee77oaTyVkqLCPJ/s1600/wonderbra-chic-lace-bra-black-anthracite-9331-p.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Look and feel better!</span></td></tr>
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<a href="http://www.brasize.com/wrong-bra-size.html"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Guide to Proper Bra Fit and Measuring</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></a><br />
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<a href="http://brasize.com/"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Brasize.com</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></a><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.women-health-info.com/275-Wrong-bra-health.html">Women-Health-Info.com</a></span><br />
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<a href="http://bra-sizes.us/"><span style="font-size: large;">Bra-Sizes.us</span></a><br />
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<a href="http://www.85b.org/bra_calc.php"><span style="font-size: large;">85B.org</span></a>Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-5884888857429810682013-06-17T17:06:00.004-07:002013-06-19T03:06:01.766-07:00Capsule Wardrobe by Math: Can You Actually Get Away with It?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWS-CBVezwt_-5QLtdOpqtN-gRqKlRqz-DQmYo8bm3PUElFBD8-R3Xt-ONtYphyphenhyphenx7HOuMjFIHwonrN5HbpLzA9OqNJAcTk1vcbmm7C3Dxl2MvXr2TMlfDOdV9uZCPXmHmS1pUEmg1w1Ybb/s1600/Jeannine_Byers_Summer-Capsule-Wardrobe1.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Can you get away with it?</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've been fairly obsessed by capsule wardrobes lately. It started with <a href="http://www.puttingmetogether.com/">Putting Me Together</a>. Then I started thinking about how to <a href="http://herpackinglist.com/">pack lightly</a>. Somewhere along a <a href="http://pinterest.com/">Pinterest</a> board I came across it. A quick google search led me to <a href="http://into-mind.com/2012/12/20/building-a-capsule-wardrobe-101/">this minimalist website</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">There's two main arguments about why you should adopt a capsule wardrobe. One is the idea of the signature look. Most likely you already have one, but just don't know it yet--hence all of the clothes that you like, but never wear because it's not you or just doesn't fit your lifestyle. While it's fun to change it up, if you believe in personality, as in a pattern of traits stable through time, then it makes sense that one might have a fashion personality. We usually call it style. After all, isn't the main point of fashion to express our identity? If so, you might want to give a stable impression.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The second reason is minimalism. Minimalism does a lot of things. It makes your closet easier to navigate. It makes your bag easier to pack. It makes you spend less money, but it makes you buy higher quality items (supposedly you save on cost per wear). It forces you to wear those high quality items instead of saving them for a special occasion. It's good for the environment and all those kids in <strike>India sewing their hands bloody</strike> <a href="http://edition.cnn.com/2013/05/20/world/asia/bangladesh-inside-garment-factory">factory employees working in unsafe conditions in Bangladesh</a>. It also makes you happier because you have <a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_on_the_paradox_of_choice.html">restricted choice</a>. Your boundaries make it easier to make decisions, for example, about what to wear.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The downsides of a capsule wardrobe are that you might run out of clothes or get bored with what you have, or people might start looking at you weird.</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBfUzYhpd4S5UA1qOJF0pRJURcfGzf0sRN0MwNLUB8UUHhIWuNg8y8nefR8qW9xmBaMYm70Eoxay4HffAPBGkCaeGgS2pEjcEX3I40mNnlvOJJaqIVuTF_aZPv15JfibNe-gTEVadnROs2/s1600/women-bullying-women.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBfUzYhpd4S5UA1qOJF0pRJURcfGzf0sRN0MwNLUB8UUHhIWuNg8y8nefR8qW9xmBaMYm70Eoxay4HffAPBGkCaeGgS2pEjcEX3I40mNnlvOJJaqIVuTF_aZPv15JfibNe-gTEVadnROs2/s1600/women-bullying-women.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">No, you can't wear the same thing every day. Not even if it looks awesome.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Also, looking at a lot of capsule wardrobes online, I found them to be unrealistic. For one thing, they didn't take into account exercise attire. For another thing, they seemed to be limited to cold weather.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Then it hit me: these capsules are only meant to last one season. Now I understood how any red-blooded woman could stand to only have 10-30 items of clothing. They really had 40-120.</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHm3TmvIWqmyXTt-vK_4McCw4lQslRCx10JjLWLHcMz8bF1UN89xuZkxD-tCcLyZ2y5jhU00ICvKh2j2KVOKAthR-kcxZDbysUo6iN2fJYEoCQZkGoYFDpzq7CNcw2ito9l48XwH8Olw4w/s1600/Holiday-Capsule-Wardrobe.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHm3TmvIWqmyXTt-vK_4McCw4lQslRCx10JjLWLHcMz8bF1UN89xuZkxD-tCcLyZ2y5jhU00ICvKh2j2KVOKAthR-kcxZDbysUo6iN2fJYEoCQZkGoYFDpzq7CNcw2ito9l48XwH8Olw4w/s1600/Holiday-Capsule-Wardrobe.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Either this person doesn't have summer where she lives, or this capsule wardrobe is just for winter.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It seems like most capsule wardrobes are 10-30 items including shoes, but not including accessories and essentials such as socks and underwear. There are some nice examples of 9 pieces 14 ways and whatnot, but it's not really that impressive. It's simple permutational math, as my high school calculus teacher pointed out. Except, as my calculus teacher's wife pointed out, most women are picky about what shoes can go with what outfit, so the real trick is to make sure everything can go with everything else. Still, can you get away with wearing the same 30 things for three whole months?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Enter my nerdy spreadsheet:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQbxX4GMR-ZqTibaH96SrtmfLlCTQ0UpU4jApyeSpbDSh4pqlJSLXh7hPkVTb00LPdDXXrhTQRVqleecLX_K45K-FNUZmaLmlfjQ_ztX4A86Bu5TpXpan9sds5QeSWL1gthgZSTMX0i5l_/s1600/Picture+2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQbxX4GMR-ZqTibaH96SrtmfLlCTQ0UpU4jApyeSpbDSh4pqlJSLXh7hPkVTb00LPdDXXrhTQRVqleecLX_K45K-FNUZmaLmlfjQ_ztX4A86Bu5TpXpan9sds5QeSWL1gthgZSTMX0i5l_/s1600/Picture+2.png" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Okay, so it's 32 items, but notice that it includes a category for exercise. I decided that I had 4 dimensions in my life. Depending on your lifestyle, you may have more or less. For each dimension, I had 8 items of clothing. While there are specific exercise items that I would not want to wear
for any semi-formal public place (sweat pants probably are a no-go), it
also gives me a chance to cheat (I'm never going to wear a dress while working out--but it's great to have four different types of dresses).</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Scarves are an accessory, but I decided to include them because I want
to cut down on my scarf collection since I always wear the same ones
again and again anyway. It might even encourage me to use the ones I'm
too afraid to wear for fear of ruining them. Also, scarves are great
wardrobe expanders. </span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/5LYAEz777AU" width="560"></iframe>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LYAEz777AU">Wendy's Lookbook</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So would this get me through winter?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Disclaimer: I only really care about tops. I don't care if you wear a shirt with jeans one day and with slacks another--to me it's still the same outfit. But if you wear slacks with one shirt one day and then another shirt another day--to me that's a different outfit. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Assuming that your casual shirts, fancy shirts, and at least one of your exercise shirts can be worn to work, then you have 8 different outfits including your work dress. Let's see how many times we can repeat these tops without getting boring.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">1. Plain</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2. Work cardigan</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">3. Fancy cardigan</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">4. Thick belt</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">5. Thin belt</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">6. Work scarf</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">7. Fancy scarf</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">8. Casual scarf</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0-WWwqSezPxIeV2WSBtWtEJRBAGlEQKTpDyoHYKBhxid0N3l7nj7mraiw_mwlC-3ViybvAS7uWsc8fri_OyJUDkwzXH-1x3j7pNzs22kYWlU0jUo5gqn8piVaY8OYSk1y6evAAiX5doaQ/s1600/changethefeel.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0-WWwqSezPxIeV2WSBtWtEJRBAGlEQKTpDyoHYKBhxid0N3l7nj7mraiw_mwlC-3ViybvAS7uWsc8fri_OyJUDkwzXH-1x3j7pNzs22kYWlU0jUo5gqn8piVaY8OYSk1y6evAAiX5doaQ/s1600/changethefeel.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">More tips<span style="font-size: small;"> from P<span style="font-size: small;">utting Me Toge<span style="font-size: small;">ther</span></span></span> <a href="http://www.puttingmetogether.com/p/building-remixable-wardrobe-series.html">here</a><span style="font-size: large;">.</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">That's 64 combinations right there. Also, though I don't consider wearing a top with a different pair of pants a new look, skirts are a different matter. So if you can wear all of the tops with a skirt, then multiple that times 2. So these 32 pieces will take you through winter and fall easily. Also, to be honest, I'll wear some of the tops from my Summer/Spring capsule as well. Technically I have 64 items, but it's for the year.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">With this type of logic, you can do the <a href="http://theproject333.com/how-to-build-a-capsule-wardrobe/">33 in 3 challenge</a> in no time. </span>Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-34832975215169794542013-06-14T22:42:00.002-07:002013-06-18T03:48:48.796-07:00Women's Work Is Still Work<div dir="ltr">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4ZFr84KuTkpGLTV3Nai6H7eDycOXUuu94dG7GNVZMqAcEk6s8S1-kBk0El6sEr1sTMFkoQTKL8JZbRyHR2nwG5wNvUpS4jFz-nLKygdsR-6DRCdsd0enEWpL8x8Eq5iXxS9JQFJDkJKXp/s1600/7072.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4ZFr84KuTkpGLTV3Nai6H7eDycOXUuu94dG7GNVZMqAcEk6s8S1-kBk0El6sEr1sTMFkoQTKL8JZbRyHR2nwG5wNvUpS4jFz-nLKygdsR-6DRCdsd0enEWpL8x8Eq5iXxS9JQFJDkJKXp/s1600/7072.jpg" height="320" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"> There are many reasons why <span class="il">women</span> only earn 75% of what men make.</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">They don't negotiate higher salaries (although <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/12/the-ambition-myth-debunking-a-common-excuse-for-the-gender-wage-gap/265744/">negotiating tends to be associated with even lower salaries for <span class="il">women</span></a>).</span></li>
<li><span class="il" style="font-size: large;">Women</span><span style="font-size: large;"> who earn more money than their husbands <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2013/05/a-marriage-mystery-why-arent-more-wives-outearning-their-husbands/276040/">tend to get divorced</a>.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">They choose to <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2013/05/the-biggest-myth-about-the-gender-wage-gap/276367/">go into lower paying fields</a>.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">They <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/04/why-43-of-women-with-children-leave-their-jobs-and-how-to-get-them-back/275134/">take time off for childcare</a> (and sometimes "<a href="http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2010/12/22/facebook_coo_sheryl_sandbergs_ted_talk.html">leave before they leave</a>").</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/10/why-are-women-paid-less/263776/">Discrimination</a>.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></li>
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<span style="font-size: large;">All of these are more interrelated than you think.</span></div>
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<span class="il" style="font-size: large;">Women</span><span style="font-size: large;">
tend to go into fields such as media (<a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/12/the-scariest-thing-about-the-newspaper-business-isnt-prints-decline-its-digitals-growth/266482/">which we all know is fucked</a>),
education, health care, and administration (i.e. <a href="http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/national/people/women-take-the-lowerpaid-jobs-20130110-2ciwc.html">become secretaries</a>). Men go into fields such as finance,
technology, engineering, and <a href="http://www.catalyst.org/knowledge/women-male-dominated-industries-and-occupations-us-and-canada">construction</a>. I'm not saying these fields are not
important, but I think that education and health are pretty important.
For that matter, I think childcare is important. <a href="http://www.newrepublic.com/article/112892/hell-american-day-care#">But society doesn't</a>. We
don't even pay most childcare workers. And when we do, <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2013/04/15/five-shocking-facts-about-child-care-in-the-united-states/">we pay them less than we pay parking lot attendants</a>. We are willing to pay people more
to look after our cars than our children.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Childcare has traditionally been free, and despite many
<a href="http://www.educationnews.org/parenting/perks-of-preschool/">studies showing the importance of a child's early developmental years</a>,
it is considered a low-status job that needs little to no training.
Really, as most parents will tell you, it's one of the <a href="http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/index3.html">most demanding jobs there is</a>.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So how do you juggle the demands of being a parent with the demands of your job? People who can afford private nannies and people in New York State
<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/29/day-care-cost_n_1834650.html">spend a lot of money on childcare</a>. That's just the average. There is a nursery at UCLA where my
developmental psychology professor sent her child--for <a href="http://map.ais.ucla.edu/portal/site/UCLA/menuitem.789d0eb6c76e7ef0d66b02ddf848344a/?vgnextoid=24e5064a9a7d1010VgnVCM1000008f8443a4RCRD">$17,000 a year</a>, but she said, "You're smiling when you sign the check, because you know your
child is going to be well-looked after." More and more people are willing to spend a
reasonable amount of money to have their children well looked after.
But what a "reasonable amount" is actually very high. So high that some <span class="il">women</span> quit their “hard-core corporate life” jobs to take care of and educate their kids themselves. Some <span class="il">women</span> choose to be the child-carer because they were making less money than their husbands anyway (<a href="http://nymag.com/news/features/retro-wife-2013-3/index1.html">such as in social services</a>). Even <span class="il">women</span> with a <a href="http://www.salon.com/2013/04/28/is_michael_pollan_a_sexist_pig/">“hard-core corporate life”</a> do so though, possibly because childcare, not earning money, is <span class="il">women</span>'s <span class="il">work</span>.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Of course, if you're going into a job such as education, the idea
is that you'll automatically have more time to take care of kids
(whether or not this is true is up to debate), which may be one of the
reasons <span class="il">women</span> go into these fields in the first place. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Education has always had <a href="http://web.mit.edu/wgs/prize/eb04.html">a low status in the United States</a>. It
was traditionally performed by recent (male) college graduates, before they
could move into more profitable, higher-status jobs. As more and more
children started getting educated, more and more <span class="il">women</span>
entered the field. Sometimes there were <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/These_Happy_Golden_Years">not even high school graduates</a>.
Many were required to be unmarried. In this way, education was not only
feminized, but treated as a young person's temporary job.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">To a large extent, this has not changed. <a href="http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2013/apr/21/education-female-dominated-profession-except-top/">Educators are mostly <span class="il">women</span></a>, and educators stay in the field for an <a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&ved=0CDQQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fnicoleedwards.pbworks.com%2Ff%2FTeacher%2BBurnout%2Bin%2BBlack%2Band%2BWhite%255B1%255D.pdf&ei=TfK7UYKbMMXKPZefgdgF&usg=AFQjCNHsSOWTmYoUA4Q3qwf8BnVq3gIonw&sig2=SajeGEDVSVNoLn1tOsQbMg&bvm=bv.47883778,d.ZWU">average of 11 years</a>. <span class="il">Women</span>
are also paid less than men. Primary school teachers (and as a previous
TA for elementary school students, I say that their job is not any
easier. Think you know long division? Try explaining it to a 7 year
old), make less than secondary school teachers. Teacher make less than administrators, who are mostly men.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Why is this? Education is a government-subsidized career, but so are <a href="http://www.cnbc.com/id/43829961/page/11">certain astronomers</a>, and teachers in the private sector are, <a href="http://www.edudemic.com/2011/05/private-school-pay/">if anything</a>, being <a href="http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=55">paid less</a>. The real reason is this:
we as a society deem <span class="il">women</span>'s <span class="il">work</span> less valuable. The more <span class="il">women</span> are in a field, the less money we think people in that field should make. What's the lowest paying field? Household <span class="il">work</span>. Why pay anyone to do it when your wife will do it for free? <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2013/05/how-motherhood-is-changing-dramatically-in-11-graphs/275778/">Even if she has a job</a>. <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/03/the-difference-between-a-happy-marriage-and-miserable-one-chores/273615/">Especially if her job pays more than yours</a>.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Just as men are a majority of educational administrators while women make up a majority of teachers, <a href="http://www.salon.com/2013/04/28/is_michael_pollan_a_sexist_pig/">93% of executive chefs are men, but women cook 78% of home meals, make 93% of food purchases, and spend 3x as many hours in the kitchen as men.</a> Is this because <span class="il">women</span>
want to stay at home? Because they aren't ready for the rigors of
executive cooking? Maybe. Or maybe because A) it's difficult for <span class="il">women</span> to become executive chefs because of discrimination B) aforementioned work-life conflict and C) men are less willing to <span class="il">work</span> for free.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I think our society needs to reevaluate its values. Larry
Summer basically got ousted as president of Harvard because he claimed
that <a href="http://www.thecrimson.com/article/2005/1/14/summers-comments-on-women-and-science/"><span class="il">women</span> didn't put in as much <span class="il">work</span> in the STEM fields</a>. But women do <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2013/05/erick-erickson-is-terribly-embarrassingly-wrong-about-women/276410/">just as much work as men</a>, if not more. Maybe instead of <span class="il">women</span> leaning in at <span class="il">work</span>, <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/03/why-men-need-to-read-lean-in-too/273984/">men should lean in at home</a>. It's not just about <span class="il">work</span>-life
balance. Rearing children, taking care of your home, educating
children, taking care of the sick, the poor, the abused--this <i>is</i> <span class="il">work</span>. Noble <span class="il">work</span>. We need to start valuing it as such.</span></div>
Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-19543953005415700872013-05-22T04:51:00.000-07:002013-06-19T03:08:03.579-07:00Would Swishing by Any Other Name Be as Cheap?<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT3u55TclSGZXiOjeJwEbL9ScHZdQ-57FERge-WzzvHzSXhvWOtIXm6A8QQLqvgOHLV3HncZ91NuoVHtSTxLPrsvVBmET4nEC-qXAsUJXnvm0m4gaqjXran4sbMKI0JhqAURrOg-hOaLI6/s1600/swishing1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT3u55TclSGZXiOjeJwEbL9ScHZdQ-57FERge-WzzvHzSXhvWOtIXm6A8QQLqvgOHLV3HncZ91NuoVHtSTxLPrsvVBmET4nEC-qXAsUJXnvm0m4gaqjXran4sbMKI0JhqAURrOg-hOaLI6/s1600/swishing1.jpg" height="283" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6rW4jLTGt1Acfj0-zseTn1CNdav33fnHZdCgUyLXJI7qe7pjIUkqlBt4EqseD1deiVDUj0Njypwxy-W6usxG4tx0lebhuxWf5iugFmHyUf8Pb47_s0Dduh1qDIB8n1izxE3MNnXKbzy0_/s1600/f00006.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6rW4jLTGt1Acfj0-zseTn1CNdav33fnHZdCgUyLXJI7qe7pjIUkqlBt4EqseD1deiVDUj0Njypwxy-W6usxG4tx0lebhuxWf5iugFmHyUf8Pb47_s0Dduh1qDIB8n1izxE3MNnXKbzy0_/s1600/f00006.png" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Swish (v): to rustle, as in silk,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">or your friends' clothes.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">I swished this weekend. Or rather, I went to a clothing swap. It was awesome. Free clothes, timed conditions--it was like being on a game show. There was also socializing and snacks. One group I hooked up with had a whole strategy down. While we were still arranging our discarded clothes, they gathered their favorite items into a corner.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The way it worked (at this particular exchange) was that each person (girl) drew a number, 1<span style="font-size: large;"> through </span>3. 1s would go first, then 2s, then 3s. Whoever happened to get a 1, would grab as many of the most coveted items as she could.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We would all have five minutes to grab six items at a time.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">One of our group was a 1, and grabbed many nice things. I was a 2, and missed out on some asymmetrical braided leather sandals, but I grabbed more of the coveted pile. Actually, since I'm leaving the country soon, it was my intention only to dump, not to grab, and then see if I could live on my assigned capsule wardrobe.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But there were so many nice things.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitEm62rYZ8ujslmHLVGJr3lVHYul-FPX-_zCqrGOstQuPOJVZ3_baLzy_fFf6MQc8Ck-P-ypJ1rRPEDPkvY878d99fJpdv-Un1iS5M4Fbx9kNvj0z6syPqVXpBw_CWWGEJg9JWcfd3Qo0g/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitEm62rYZ8ujslmHLVGJr3lVHYul-FPX-_zCqrGOstQuPOJVZ3_baLzy_fFf6MQc8Ck-P-ypJ1rRPEDPkvY878d99fJpdv-Un1iS5M4Fbx9kNvj0z6syPqVXpBw_CWWGEJg9JWcfd3Qo0g/s1600/images.jpg" height="320" width="236" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Price of a new Banana Republic Skirt </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">at Banana Republic: $80</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"> Price of a used Banana Republic skirt</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">at a swish: $0</span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">One girl grabbed dress after fabulous dress, even as the rounds went on. I was inspired to do a little hunting myself, and probably grabbed some things I didn't need (but hey, it was free!). The gratis nature of the activity also encouraged me to try on or grab things that I wouldn't normally have bothered with. I had never been a bag person before, but I took home half a dozen (partially justified by how I would be more in need of bags to compartmentalize my things). I also got a dress that needed to be fitted, a pearl necklace, and a black pencil skirt from Banana Republic--just what I needed seeing that I my work skirts had gotten too frayed, too small, or too warm for the weather.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I had brought shoes, skirts, dresses, tops, jackets, coats, and jewelry. Some of it, I was sad to see go, but I was also mollified to see my peacock green dress from Thailand to go to one of my friends. Another dress, a black and white lace confection that had never looked good on me, was claimed by another girl who made it work. It made it easier to see my former clothes go, seeing other people wanting them. It also flattered my sense of style.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR40MyRrocQr_5oZYjT8nvz6N9TtLCaiNcBUitbn8FLA0jodLHzNtcEAdxYR_Pz4V4GzTN69cF4UHh4dRyKErtAh4juSbONNJUz75Aw5B0VT1XW-XKnzNu4OWulXXeYnDHFmUdYdhOhGox/s1600/9887534-many-color-women-bags-on-white.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR40MyRrocQr_5oZYjT8nvz6N9TtLCaiNcBUitbn8FLA0jodLHzNtcEAdxYR_Pz4V4GzTN69cF4UHh4dRyKErtAh4juSbONNJUz75Aw5B0VT1XW-XKnzNu4OWulXXeYnDHFmUdYdhOhGox/s1600/9887534-many-color-women-bags-on-white.jpg" height="196" width="320" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Bags to bring clothes to and from home<span style="font-size: small;"> </span>vs. Bags to bring home.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">I went in with a large trunk and a full bag and came out with few enough bags and clothes that they could fit inside the black traveling bag I had originally brought. Other girls recounted their own successes. They had come with two bags and come out with one. One girl was disbelieving. She had come with two bags and come out with three! There were still a ton of clothes left in the swap room. They would be left there until the next clothing exchange. Sometimes the owner of the property made donations to charity. Other times, when she was sick of her closet, she would go down and hunt for something new.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Swishing is a great way to rustle up some new clothes and accessories for yourself. It's a great way to <a href="http://fromgirlstowomen.blogspot.tw/2013/06/capsule-wardrobe-by-math-can-you.html">reduce</a> and revitalize your wardrobe. It's good for the environment, is great for socializing, and doesn't cost a thing. Organize one in your town this weekend.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiKmr4MNfUmI8geHExUB49zbtYUhn_vbpMKTfrqJ_gFyUDFo2rUU0-vblTMv3tuETc3l8rlBttrany4X8ForS69BpPJQiC5tywQwAtVNFGbTY-DmGogLhYFsj6NqeFJ-QGlBe0loQTZSEO/s1600/15086.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiKmr4MNfUmI8geHExUB49zbtYUhn_vbpMKTfrqJ_gFyUDFo2rUU0-vblTMv3tuETc3l8rlBttrany4X8ForS69BpPJQiC5tywQwAtVNFGbTY-DmGogLhYFsj6NqeFJ-QGlBe0loQTZSEO/s1600/15086.jpg" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-48103217584758192142013-05-11T20:57:00.000-07:002013-05-11T21:02:38.761-07:00It's Not Slut-Shaming If the Dress Doesn't Fit<div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN9CzZc0F0n2vnD-cqRXVzblzWG69hZplWAMnigIiQBvzviCkAe3blPpRdnMZDOsQU3skRcERQVKvagLF-hHoAgey7dr3d4QL-kk7HROs4DP9Vi5Ov3YOyMULR1oBR_5dMRC8KF7ONkiqC/s1600/Little-Black-Tube-Top-Dress-by-KD-dance-model-20129792-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN9CzZc0F0n2vnD-cqRXVzblzWG69hZplWAMnigIiQBvzviCkAe3blPpRdnMZDOsQU3skRcERQVKvagLF-hHoAgey7dr3d4QL-kk7HROs4DP9Vi5Ov3YOyMULR1oBR_5dMRC8KF7ONkiqC/s400/Little-Black-Tube-Top-Dress-by-KD-dance-model-20129792-1.jpg" width="260" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Just because you can doesn't mean you should.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">Thinkprogress has an <a href="http://thinkprogress.org/health/2013/05/06/1969001/slut-shaming-dress-codes/">article</a> denouncing slut-shaming in school dress codes because . . . a school did not allow middle schoolers to wear tube tops to their middle school prom. I take
issue with the article. Granted, <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/04/a-cost-of-the-stigma-against-nudity-blackmailed-teenage-girls/274801/">female nudity</a> and all its variations are still made too much of, but while banning high school students from wearing
tube-top dresses is both futile and inane, banning <i>middle school</i>
students from wearing tube-top dresses . . . kind of makes sense. What
are they wearing tube tops for anyway? It's like the legendary student
at Berkeley who went around naked (with a towel, so there were no
hygienic concerns): you <i>could</i> do it. But why?</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Let's list all of the reasons a girl (middle school age
or older) might wear a tube top (or other item of clothing), from most
to least damning, more or less.</span></div>
<div>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">You are emulating a pop star/movie star/that girl from Cosmo</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">All the other girls are wearing it </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">It's Fashion!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">It's really pretty</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">You are rebelling against one or more adult figures in your life</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">You want sexual attention</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">You want to feel sexy/pretty/confident</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">You want to express your personal style</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">For political reasons</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Because it's really hot (the weather, not the tube top)</span></li>
</ol>
</div>
<div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwmZTplrqy53DF7wJSiVoyppdFq6KC28C2o4HKdWolPimj9RfqymOABBE8zf7EzOP8JN3huvQHftvmeGGh_Q_Mh3nkYGzGr-hcgpXg62YWJCgMNB9Mh9zoECz2lmdwujlEXYkruQx-jmaC/s1600/bullying.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwmZTplrqy53DF7wJSiVoyppdFq6KC28C2o4HKdWolPimj9RfqymOABBE8zf7EzOP8JN3huvQHftvmeGGh_Q_Mh3nkYGzGr-hcgpXg62YWJCgMNB9Mh9zoECz2lmdwujlEXYkruQx-jmaC/s320/bullying.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">How dare she dress like that?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">Notice that hardly any of these have to do with male sexual
attention. More of these have to do with female attention, peer
pressure, and the fashion industry. Starting about three-quarters down, we
get into the whole dress-for-yourself thing, and one political motive
(think <a href="http://femen.org/">Femen</a>)--where you are still utilizing your body for shocking,
attention-getting reasons, albeit to point out the fallacy of the
shockingness of the female body.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, I don't have a problem with a middle school
(how old are these kids? 13?) banning tube tops. Frankly, I actually think it's more of a concern that high
school <a href="http://www.fronterasdesk.org/news/2012/may/24/mormon-modesty-makes-it-challenging-find-prom-dres/">Mormon girls have to custom-make their prom dresses</a> if they want
actual sleeves on the dresses. There were some comments in the Thinkprogress article that noted that the school dress codes
seemed to be imposed by old men, but the fashion industry is still
largely perpetrated by men as well (albeit <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/08/fashion/thursdaystyles/08FASHION.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0">gay men</a>).</span><br />
</div>
<div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOs8vLaf4hdRFH-PISYKvHybs0J-OULa6IMtBA2TqGGgqoVk6qagkmtWuXTd6WL0wG72HoArvyLtiO7wN-m9bxuKvBEv47PGiak4GlkMDzC0LW72_g2uuMSuL-EzoRX95RZjOMgHI-SJJC/s1600/baggypants_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="323" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOs8vLaf4hdRFH-PISYKvHybs0J-OULa6IMtBA2TqGGgqoVk6qagkmtWuXTd6WL0wG72HoArvyLtiO7wN-m9bxuKvBEv47PGiak4GlkMDzC0LW72_g2uuMSuL-EzoRX95RZjOMgHI-SJJC/s400/baggypants_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Why is this fashionable?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">As long as the school dress code is consistent,
gender-equal, and can explain itself, then it's not slut-shaming to send
a girl home for wearing a tube-top, anymore than it is to make a boy
wear P.E. shorts because he cannot un-sag his pants. Dress codes exist
for a reason, especially at school. Adults have to follow them, why
shouldn't students? Would it be appropriate for a middle-school teacher
to wear a tube top to chaperon the prom? Probably not, because a teacher
should be trying to maintain an air of professionalism, even at a
party. We should have the same standards for students when they attend
class. It's a learning environment, not the beach, or even the mall.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUaKd_Z34xZz97QwHaT1er1g8e4qnher3G91U8rxAz-Egmq2Jk6YPeQzZvXbyYMYzYQYdRRyS9ivwEO-MGXVO0fsMrFiD597IK4IAPxLSU8XsJhEg0XTS8KCmDciisSJgj5owShdQnfyro/s1600/sexual-assault-prevention-tips.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUaKd_Z34xZz97QwHaT1er1g8e4qnher3G91U8rxAz-Egmq2Jk6YPeQzZvXbyYMYzYQYdRRyS9ivwEO-MGXVO0fsMrFiD597IK4IAPxLSU8XsJhEg0XTS8KCmDciisSJgj5owShdQnfyro/s400/sexual-assault-prevention-tips.jpg" width="362" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Now let's get to the unwanted male attention part. Though I do believe the best way to prevent sexual assault is to teach people to not assault others, woman should also be defensive. Just as people learn to be defensive drivers, because they know there will always be jackasses on the road, people should be defensive dressers because there will always be weird sexual predators in the world. We put off certain vibes based on how we dress. How a girl dresses may not affect whether or not she gets raped, but girls in scanty clothing are more likely to talked about in
terms they'd most likely rather not be discussed in. If a girl wants
the attention, then fine, as long as she is informed. If a girl does not
want the attention, or not the that degree, at the very least, the
girl will be labeled a tease. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Aren't we getting too carried away with this? Like
with Janet Jackson's supposed nipple incident? Sure. Maybe someday women
can go around topless. Hey, women do it all the time in Europe. At the
beach. Not at work. Not at school. Maybe that will change someday, and
society will be better for it. Nowadays? It's just not worth it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkXcu_mjn6JRU0zeS7BtzedNcQuPKmophmkw3_ujPT1h3rGC3c-rqbV603lV3quIEmW6eq_Qb6T3nPudsM6CzvzwmxgEIOaWAnWcieG_qHvqcrJorrNpMa5YF4u5S2PJQ6ANoVYQB5X9kx/s1600/mad-men-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkXcu_mjn6JRU0zeS7BtzedNcQuPKmophmkw3_ujPT1h3rGC3c-rqbV603lV3quIEmW6eq_Qb6T3nPudsM6CzvzwmxgEIOaWAnWcieG_qHvqcrJorrNpMa5YF4u5S2PJQ6ANoVYQB5X9kx/s1600/mad-men-1.jpg" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">In the meantime, dress fa<span style="font-size: small;">bulously</span>--even if you do have to cover up.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-61974992803955679202013-04-29T04:11:00.000-07:002013-05-11T20:58:09.576-07:00Whom are you dressing up for?<span style="font-size: large;">BFF had some sort of altercation with DB about why girls dress up and/or show off their bodies and whether or not they get bad attention from creeps. I'm not really sure how it went down, but at the very least, I have to be grateful for DB for presenting his unusual world view to me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But it got me thinking. Why do women dress up? It has been my belief since high school that women dress up more for each other than for men. This view is not shared by men. They feel that women are dressing up for them, or for guys in general, some of whom are creeps who will give the women bad attention.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Saying women dress up for men is like saying men pump iron for women. Sure, that may be why a majority of women/men do so for a majority of the time. But it is certainly not the only reason they do so. So why do women dress up? There are 4 reasons.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>1. Impress Men</b><br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm not going to deny this one. Women assuredly dress up for men. They want to look nice for them. Sometimes they want to look sexy. Sometimes they want men to drool over them, even if they have no intention of giving any of those men the time of day.*</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">*Society calls these women "teases," but I hate that word. Yes, sometimes women purposefully tease men. Sometimes they just change their minds. Either way, once a women says no or shows resistance, it is unethical to touch her. Remember that, please. No matter how a woman is dressed, DON'T ASSAULT HER!</span> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">My BF also points out that a lot of the clothes women wear tends to be designed by men, <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/08/fashion/thursdaystyles/08FASHION.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0">primarily gay men</a>, so you can think of it as women being dictated to by men. Whether or not the percentage of women designers will increase is hard to say. Personally, my favorite designer is <a href="http://www.nicolemiller.com/">Nicole Miller</a>. I discovered this by browsing designer dresses at <a href="http://www.bluefly.com/">Bluefly</a>. Every time I liked a dress, there was an 80% chance it was by Nicole Miller. </span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkwHlgvZNf2oGx_6w7L7LABMQf9siFGPnsVYra6799awOO9DMOjR8UVgKe-Iq_fWUzYvQIM2hA4GyOsWSF3yeKeReAxZkskBedGUwugNdV9zEsYybmNI2_ZtrP4kW0RKLwYyWv_eoHSrHi/s1600/nicole-miller-dresses.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkwHlgvZNf2oGx_6w7L7LABMQf9siFGPnsVYra6799awOO9DMOjR8UVgKe-Iq_fWUzYvQIM2hA4GyOsWSF3yeKeReAxZkskBedGUwugNdV9zEsYybmNI2_ZtrP4kW0RKLwYyWv_eoHSrHi/s1600/nicole-miller-dresses.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Resort dresses by Nicole Miller</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You <span style="font-size: large;">could also say that women dress a certain way to loo<span style="font-size: large;">k professional for work<span style="font-size: large;">, and that that's for men (or The Man<span style="font-size: large;">, specifically). It's more of a society in general thing <span style="font-size: large;">than specifically for <span style="font-size: large;">men though.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I don't have that much more to say about this, except . . . women spend a lot of time getting ready to go out with men--the hair, the make-up, the clothes--they're famous for making men wait for them. Why? Men don't appreciate this 99% of the time. Maybe women are primping in hopes of that 1% magical walk down the stairs moment? What about all those times a girl gets a new haircut or wears a new dress and the guy . . . doesn't notice it? Can we be that oblivious? Are we dressing against this tide of indifference? Or are women dressing to:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">2. Impress Other Women</span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.harpersbazaar.com/magazine/feature-articles/black-swan-female-rivalry">Female rivalry</a> has deep roots. Sometimes it's about men. Sometimes it's about the <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0947798/">lead in a balle</a><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0947798/">t</a> (i.e. career). Sometimes it's about popularity. Sometimes, it's even about <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridal-fashion/wedding-dress-shopping/qa/my-friend-has-the-same-wedding-gown.aspx?MsdVisit=1">cloth</a><a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridal-fashion/wedding-dress-shopping/qa/my-friend-has-the-same-wedding-gown.aspx?MsdVisit=1">es</a>. Whatever it's about, clothes become a woman's weapon. This is obvious when it comes to men, but what about for a career or popularity, which includes men and women?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Women are very critical about the way other women dress. This is not always nefariously motivated. Women spend a lot of time thinking about, looking at, talking about, and shopping for clothes. They assess not only their own outfits, but those of the women around them. When women get together, they may look at fashion magazines or Victoria Secret catalogs (or the online version, nowadays) to find women, hair, and make-up to emulate. Or maybe just to envy. Women learn how to dress not by passively buying what gay men tell them to wear, but by observing how other women dress. Some of these women might be models and celebrities, but a lot of them are the real women they see around them. After all, there's only so much money available for clothes.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-gX9-UJ-Nu0Xf2EBsQm2BYoZFU2g6h8irFy6gdTHnixaVTG_Io7dhltVo3aEN8d_pfHO625wtjA4rmbH4eFYAcpcxS9zHIPnDqp77BWbInj35W1ZWXnUzclWCilxc0fgKzeS1Bu_seRQF/s1600/iStock_000018930603_Medium.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-gX9-UJ-Nu0Xf2EBsQm2BYoZFU2g6h8irFy6gdTHnixaVTG_Io7dhltVo3aEN8d_pfHO625wtjA4rmbH4eFYAcpcxS9zHIPnDqp77BWbInj35W1ZWXnUzclWCilxc0fgKzeS1Bu_seRQF/s1600/iStock_000018930603_Medium.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">For women, shopping is a team sport.</td></tr>
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</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">And what if a women dresses unusually poorly? If the women are catty, they will talk about her impending demise. If the women are nice, they will wonder what is up and maybe arrange a makeover. A makeover not only requires new hair and make-up, it will inevitably require new clothes, and shopping. That's another reason women dress up, to</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">3. Celebrate Their Clothes</span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Here's an anecdote from today. I got dressed, because I h<span style="font-size: large;">ad to; I <span style="font-size: large;">leaving my apartment. I <span style="font-size: large;">rifled through the clothes on my <span style="font-size: large;">bes<span style="font-size: large;">ide table that I had worn only once and grabbed a pair of shorts. I had checked the weather, and it was going to be fairly warm. Also, I <span style="font-size: large;">can only wear shorts on the weekend, because they are inappropriate for work. These shorts are pretty short. But! I did not buy them to attract guys<span style="font-size: large;">.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Okay, I bought the <span style="font-size: large;">shorts because of other girls. <span style="font-size: large;">One day I was looking at <span style="font-size: large;">some pictures of a summer event and I realized that my shorts were longer than those of all the other girls<span style="font-size: large;">. I also realized that I had had those shorts since middle school<span style="font-size: large;"> (by this time I was in college). I decided I needed to get non-granny shorts.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Regardless <span style="font-size: large;">of why I <span style="font-size: large;">bought the shorts, the reason I am wearing them right now is because I like them<span style="font-size: large;">, because they are comfortable, and because I<span style="font-size: large;"> hardly get a chance to <span style="font-size: large;">wear them. One of my favorite sayings is that women don't buy dresses for events. They buy dresses and then find events to <span style="font-size: large;">wear them to. I have <span style="font-size: large;">twice as many dresses in my closet as I should have, considering how little I wear them, so a lot of times when going out to something even slightly special, I wonder if it would be overkill to put one of them on. <span style="font-size: large;">I know I should get rid of some of them (and I will), bu<span style="font-size: large;">t the thought of that is difficult because I like them all so much.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj92-ieN_wDcde4dIIdbBvxIix61vDGB_Z6Iu2XTE-TrhgBoWKo1JLXNAngCh3hKWSCL3KVLUeW8g7hi7iVMMF4RQqcZfdKfC46ttp243YzDsQH2l81TMtbVfwbrerkWOX1czV9hKIoEa7a/s1600/e16d037e50df0075cdcc5b6b5b7598cc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj92-ieN_wDcde4dIIdbBvxIix61vDGB_Z6Iu2XTE-TrhgBoWKo1JLXNAngCh3hKWSCL3KVLUeW8g7hi7iVMMF4RQqcZfdKfC46ttp243YzDsQH2l81TMtbVfwbrerkWOX1czV9hKIoEa7a/s1600/e16d037e50df0075cdcc5b6b5b7598cc.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The neglected dress. Being enshrined in a closet isn't enough.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">So that's <span style="font-size: large;">another reason w<span style="font-size: large;">omen dress up--because they feel like they're neglecting their nice clothes. <span style="font-size: large;">Lastly and most importantly though, the reason women dress up and<span style="font-size: large;">/or show off their bo<span style="font-size: large;">dy is for:</span></span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> <br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>4. Themselves</b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Duh. Any time a fashion show wants to talk about <span style="font-size: large;">w<span style="font-size: large;">hy fashion is important, they t<span style="font-size: large;">alk about how fashion affects one's self<span style="font-size: large;">-esteem. Of course, one's self-esteem can't be completely resurrected by a good wardrobe--nor do I think the wardrobe should even play a large or foundational part. It might help though. After all, <span style="font-size: large;">one could argue that a woman (or a man) who doesn't care about wh<span style="font-size: large;">at she looks like has given up on herself. She has no respect for herself or the people around her. It's not a bad thing to take pride in one's appearance.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes a women will comp<span style="font-size: large;">liment another woman on her appear<span style="font-size: large;">ance. The first women might say something along the lin<span style="font-size: large;">es of, "I was feeling yu<span style="font-size: large;">cky today<span style="font-size: large;">." The other women will nod in understanding. Sometimes<span style="font-size: large;"> dressing up can make you feel <span style="font-size: large;">better about yourself<span style="font-size: large;">, even if no one admires you but yourself.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsXSD3UX8Gxg_R1hIBEgmEno72xUlVJgzawQTw5ErjouDaxeDQLktLPshilmn9s6zlQXSle2or2iQwg4ka5BrUWJ80Xs6_ZzQEgjyyOOariuGW3ypAaV57Uch0sYaYGRtrIaQnrA7qfNCz/s1600/woman-looking-in-mirror.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsXSD3UX8Gxg_R1hIBEgmEno72xUlVJgzawQTw5ErjouDaxeDQLktLPshilmn9s6zlQXSle2or2iQwg4ka5BrUWJ80Xs6_ZzQEgjyyOOariuGW3ypAaV57Uch0sYaYGRtrIaQnrA7qfNCz/s1600/woman-looking-in-mirror.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span><b> </b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-11939270497198891622013-04-19T19:48:00.004-07:002013-06-19T03:10:27.000-07:0020 Reasons Not to Trash the Dress<span style="font-size: large;">Ladies, it is your prerogative to destroy anything you own, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. That being said, I think it's a stupid idea. See my full meditation here.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Things you can do with your wedding dress besides trashing it:</span><br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Do a <a href="http://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/weddings/to-trash-or-not-to-trash">fearless bridal</a> that won't totally trash it instead </span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9IqecTOoj7Jyq1DrqC4yAYbgSrQH7MTXJy3ZJr4-msJJejlaCkK2oE_lX4PIinoQfBbioIX70rL_Hi-cQYtv6x8-WLGYDNk3slAcIbKD8byYw174ioBL-rNSR9u11V0LA59_ipWuWOjRt/s1600/e0943d35ce26fd7ef4aa74468271a2f4_thumb_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9IqecTOoj7Jyq1DrqC4yAYbgSrQH7MTXJy3ZJr4-msJJejlaCkK2oE_lX4PIinoQfBbioIX70rL_Hi-cQYtv6x8-WLGYDNk3slAcIbKD8byYw174ioBL-rNSR9u11V0LA59_ipWuWOjRt/s1600/e0943d35ce26fd7ef4aa74468271a2f4_thumb_500.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></span></div>
</li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Save it for a group friend photo </span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2Ii4bKrkoYyn5XE6S4nXtW7AZpZCfT9R05YF3dSRZxoaInrJQjUxv_SUuUGozMeZODmR9n8C8fYPHQgZ7n2M55I-dZu7jSaRfBV9GV9shhzE4aCZuVOzrhzaliM8QBH7AQy-WcrJXFcZ2/s1600/images-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2Ii4bKrkoYyn5XE6S4nXtW7AZpZCfT9R05YF3dSRZxoaInrJQjUxv_SUuUGozMeZODmR9n8C8fYPHQgZ7n2M55I-dZu7jSaRfBV9GV9shhzE4aCZuVOzrhzaliM8QBH7AQy-WcrJXFcZ2/s1600/images-2.jpg" height="166" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Save it in a frame </span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Z1GryF-W7GYVrs99bvntNmomlb2KdJgvjQ-mzMsmH2aMzaO_9axq9RaJliA_irJ1-50Ze6LFRzBEY90YvDQGW5HLhtvF7eoiceLTCT4wVtdHmJpu1L3sJa01htDrrUWHWRkzo4USMkd8/s1600/housewivesblong.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Z1GryF-W7GYVrs99bvntNmomlb2KdJgvjQ-mzMsmH2aMzaO_9axq9RaJliA_irJ1-50Ze6LFRzBEY90YvDQGW5HLhtvF7eoiceLTCT4wVtdHmJpu1L3sJa01htDrrUWHWRkzo4USMkd8/s1600/housewivesblong.jpg" height="232" width="320" /></a></span></div>
</li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Save it for your daughter (at least a piece of it) </span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQAGzufITfkCK4TJqPp3uaknN7tdpVqwRiueYMEth6esE1RX_BFrDwOucrDY23l924TvXVpfPI_w3udbffxjQIsPSdZ-YJVEQ7i0KCESTRsgu82MMASNjKVggezfMTDyP7gBZyru-xbEyb/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQAGzufITfkCK4TJqPp3uaknN7tdpVqwRiueYMEth6esE1RX_BFrDwOucrDY23l924TvXVpfPI_w3udbffxjQIsPSdZ-YJVEQ7i0KCESTRsgu82MMASNjKVggezfMTDyP7gBZyru-xbEyb/s1600/images-1.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Even if the style is too old-fashioned for her, she can still carry a piece.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
</li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Save it for your 10-year anniversary, where you can accessorize it with aluminum jewelry (apparently it used to be valuable) </span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4uReU36muc4IjQCkBYTMpB03tIwl5EH_6Gp1uvAei_yeRG4-nIGYKVNQmffQ3e0H4gF4OwtQ0JqLVgENdgKtZ_bQTVoqEP88w16X5IUX0r3ZsCJ7i9nxHVdI1-oayWscI-4dLvCF5vcSd/s1600/finalflowerclip.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4uReU36muc4IjQCkBYTMpB03tIwl5EH_6Gp1uvAei_yeRG4-nIGYKVNQmffQ3e0H4gF4OwtQ0JqLVgENdgKtZ_bQTVoqEP88w16X5IUX0r3ZsCJ7i9nxHVdI1-oayWscI-4dLvCF5vcSd/s1600/finalflowerclip.png" height="200" width="172" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">From <a href="http://chloesethicalaccessory.blogspot.tw/">Chloe's Ethical Accessories</a></span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Save it for your vow renewal </span><h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_B7d3itAwJyygb4IWV7ugSEOPihhWCIj9oDd5kZ3KQZehX65RdrUpZlFVtYgJj2XW6NQCyRTHi-6HN9Ts9jVNmrwZ7cRvxCkavLVwZ5vYxUIopV7OrdtFOHL9y6sYwesDYypifb2I2jMm/s1600/kailuabeach-vow-renewal8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_B7d3itAwJyygb4IWV7ugSEOPihhWCIj9oDd5kZ3KQZehX65RdrUpZlFVtYgJj2XW6NQCyRTHi-6HN9Ts9jVNmrwZ7cRvxCkavLVwZ5vYxUIopV7OrdtFOHL9y6sYwesDYypifb2I2jMm/s1600/kailuabeach-vow-renewal8.jpg" height="265" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Even happier, now that you know what marriage is like. (<a href="http://ainakai.blogspot.tw/2009/07/vow-renewal-on-kailua-beach-oahu.html">AinaKai Photography</a>)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></span></span></h5>
</li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.preownedweddingdresses.com/sell-wedding-dress.html">Resell</a> <a href="http://www.tradesy.com/weddings/">it</a></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/28/donate-your-wedding-dress_n_1924169.html">Donate</a> it</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.swapmydress.co.uk/">Rent</a> it out to other brides</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Rent it out to people who need full-length white dresses </span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMCchLCzeWir9-4B70-LIrFfbStMOxXivvHv4WsM-kYlFdrQVnincJyCqwP8fMEe_bOuxEnbWxUKHPh_VXXFBGAb-9rTlZ8pzJTa2RlaUhPnVaLrLcKWS7b34GlPyZbmAhA1ZntJ-o2DZ9/s1600/668455b249f852db8c8df9892c1d4b9f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMCchLCzeWir9-4B70-LIrFfbStMOxXivvHv4WsM-kYlFdrQVnincJyCqwP8fMEe_bOuxEnbWxUKHPh_VXXFBGAb-9rTlZ8pzJTa2RlaUhPnVaLrLcKWS7b34GlPyZbmAhA1ZntJ-o2DZ9/s1600/668455b249f852db8c8df9892c1d4b9f.jpg" height="258" width="320" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">See your dress on stage</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Better yet, lend it out (<a href="http://news.sciencemag.org/sciencenow/2008/03/20-02.html">it will make you happier</a>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://itsabrideslife.com/wedding-ideas-2/re-using-your-wedding-gown/">Make stuff out of it </a></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhISvi4SINlI7YYdeijPqgwrvTZfqRI6_StGJMy5mb7HVZx4v-vZsPhmdQhl1IaBiabn4kUmal5jDTan1pbXvR-nvsLmbvDxv90Lz7ZjOD2_bHZWLsEQoV8BB3wCxdBnWnLfnWrQW8DX_MX/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhISvi4SINlI7YYdeijPqgwrvTZfqRI6_StGJMy5mb7HVZx4v-vZsPhmdQhl1IaBiabn4kUmal5jDTan1pbXvR-nvsLmbvDxv90Lz7ZjOD2_bHZWLsEQoV8BB3wCxdBnWnLfnWrQW8DX_MX/s1600/images-1.jpg" /></a></span></div>
</li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Dye it and wear it </span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghZcL5sNAc4qVx0_bO9YV4y8UAwo_wF5mf8lzyKXv7551thYY3f8u9nxYZblSzVU5tTG0V7AZlZscNy3cb1gGd7gdBZThNGf_hoUTEPYASmcaE2_5kHDnonKE0tYZ68BKASVcjP_vZu3Vg/s1600/Vera-Wang-red-wedding-dresses-2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghZcL5sNAc4qVx0_bO9YV4y8UAwo_wF5mf8lzyKXv7551thYY3f8u9nxYZblSzVU5tTG0V7AZlZscNy3cb1gGd7gdBZThNGf_hoUTEPYASmcaE2_5kHDnonKE0tYZ68BKASVcjP_vZu3Vg/s1600/Vera-Wang-red-wedding-dresses-2013.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></span></div>
</li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Shorten it and wear it </span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOlCN-tST38EI3Ucyh0YY8Ay96n0OYCA7ukLLO-0NehDbDn-nTN_9Kjqaj3xMj2jYT0wLYXoRuKg81sN5rQmHohRvIg7VpWnbTF-IXdOUw95VXQ-_oxa54NItRBJD8fwENOoOT27RByXwM/s1600/images-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOlCN-tST38EI3Ucyh0YY8Ay96n0OYCA7ukLLO-0NehDbDn-nTN_9Kjqaj3xMj2jYT0wLYXoRuKg81sN5rQmHohRvIg7VpWnbTF-IXdOUw95VXQ-_oxa54NItRBJD8fwENOoOT27RByXwM/s1600/images-3.jpg" /></a></span></div>
</li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Convert it and wear it (especially if the dress had a nice bodice)</span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcXhZSsXuU5TrS-Rnyuvl8527mZ1AZ5UsisYNccm5vKgZpl4-fRYGRmnOzUQo3ftspFUBmLB1TSjoTG6ynETEah4wwj0Ci4rqwOb1C9i0QQpucH1CRj1P61vI2PPZ-PnJeAubHHqVQP6Sv/s1600/1280406814306_hz-myalibaba-temp14_230.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcXhZSsXuU5TrS-Rnyuvl8527mZ1AZ5UsisYNccm5vKgZpl4-fRYGRmnOzUQo3ftspFUBmLB1TSjoTG6ynETEah4wwj0Ci4rqwOb1C9i0QQpucH1CRj1P61vI2PPZ-PnJeAubHHqVQP6Sv/s1600/1280406814306_hz-myalibaba-temp14_230.jpg" height="200" width="170" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Lingerie or daring top?</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://itsabrideslife.com/wedding-ideas-2/re-using-your-wedding-gown/"> </a></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Wear it when you're feeling sassy </span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRF0VoLj5YWuNJj3xgTdhEs3QNbeyU2Nva85Bcfty4fh9OLrRmrUdImb29WTvCly-vM_YR9n1UcGgquQiuJx1R6-Nh0hkzqaCC6XWEGdYqF8lKJhbNxlmMXqf-VdVcqtIuAkSmlP_JNtSL/s1600/clearbride.png.pagespeed.ce.Dqx89nBqLJ.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRF0VoLj5YWuNJj3xgTdhEs3QNbeyU2Nva85Bcfty4fh9OLrRmrUdImb29WTvCly-vM_YR9n1UcGgquQiuJx1R6-Nh0hkzqaCC6XWEGdYqF8lKJhbNxlmMXqf-VdVcqtIuAkSmlP_JNtSL/s1600/clearbride.png.pagespeed.ce.Dqx89nBqLJ.png" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Dance when nobody's watching</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Wear it when you're feeling down </span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1FSibNRJijV5QU65lj4AUSXw6OsTkChCbhKzVA__mvSIlf3cR76mjzYwji6ppteODlcQ5RKQKvJA18-GcyjPkSXqBviWhRQZdFD6mEWV0_hyphenhyphenw2yIN2xB1l81GQjkyHDl45LHvKSUhuWdO/s1600/f095b827c0592eed_weddingdress_B_035_preview.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1FSibNRJijV5QU65lj4AUSXw6OsTkChCbhKzVA__mvSIlf3cR76mjzYwji6ppteODlcQ5RKQKvJA18-GcyjPkSXqBviWhRQZdFD6mEWV0_hyphenhyphenw2yIN2xB1l81GQjkyHDl45LHvKSUhuWdO/s1600/f095b827c0592eed_weddingdress_B_035_preview.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Remember this?</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Wear it for Halloween </span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbjJ9RF9jJkYNV44d9VAlwpzJONa29uAqu5tWLmGj-oOttjR8Lp-8MisRhyphenhyphenDccz4mPm6efXvVCw62iO5w1msR-eZLzH5YRsCN_pYQtE5ZzNX5guZLwHKR_VjiuSdk7PP742Eq8ulOo0dcm/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbjJ9RF9jJkYNV44d9VAlwpzJONa29uAqu5tWLmGj-oOttjR8Lp-8MisRhyphenhyphenDccz4mPm6efXvVCw62iO5w1msR-eZLzH5YRsCN_pYQtE5ZzNX5guZLwHKR_VjiuSdk7PP742Eq8ulOo0dcm/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></span></div>
</li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Wear it to the <a href="http://www.bridesofmarch.org/Brides/BridesOfMarch.html">Brides of March</a></span> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh77TFpkV72TofwPuu4TgE4eltCQPjr9vxJfQ_Aymx5PbOIiZZkq7HI-ShSE75fN615NwNgFZ5dhq9Ph3JSo3qi9B9cqP8y-y5qocosYPRnJNl-5U4wQ2kGlR0dMM4ECoacfPf6AQyBaEBo/s1600/images-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh77TFpkV72TofwPuu4TgE4eltCQPjr9vxJfQ_Aymx5PbOIiZZkq7HI-ShSE75fN615NwNgFZ5dhq9Ph3JSo3qi9B9cqP8y-y5qocosYPRnJNl-5U4wQ2kGlR0dMM4ECoacfPf6AQyBaEBo/s1600/images-2.jpg" height="279" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Be truly daring, and wear it while shopping and drinking about town</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
</li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Wear it out to a different Starbucks every week for free coffee </span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibTBusXRTWQXQEMxgi4U1erhqdKobgA3rzuBPzFkqwFzek2lAGJQFswu6bNHCGr909mwEOUTLOrDRbZB2jetvelpGGCD5cG2J94zQWpzc0GkQchce8QWWr4f7PDKyiz3yMAXk9xQm5Q_Xj/s1600/starbucks%252Bbride-%252Bpinterest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibTBusXRTWQXQEMxgi4U1erhqdKobgA3rzuBPzFkqwFzek2lAGJQFswu6bNHCGr909mwEOUTLOrDRbZB2jetvelpGGCD5cG2J94zQWpzc0GkQchce8QWWr4f7PDKyiz3yMAXk9xQm5Q_Xj/s1600/starbucks%252Bbride-%252Bpinterest.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who's to say you're <i>not</i> getting married that day? You're wearing a wedding dress, aren't you?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-3177904491372998492013-04-14T04:24:00.001-07:002013-04-19T19:55:59.183-07:00Why Trash the Dress?<span style="font-size: large;">There's an incredible amount of energy put into finding the perfect wedding dress. You even need to say yes to the dress, the way you say yes to your fiancé. In addition to the dress, there are the accessories--the bridal shoes, the bridal veil, the bridal jewelry (besides the wedding ring).</span><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimuEXyn_WATzH4FqgWpTy3JOiSxiyHHW2QILXcb4OpmNXrxdccI8AZWNTLu6_QwfeEOPQYZyJ88oWyy3gNvXxtC7ILcl_J1lAbDNV6QV1aS7faRXt3RuKxdiKezKY_RNk_S9FEfEc3-VSv/s1600/da154db6b380ed8af0fd6c33e4c3976b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimuEXyn_WATzH4FqgWpTy3JOiSxiyHHW2QILXcb4OpmNXrxdccI8AZWNTLu6_QwfeEOPQYZyJ88oWyy3gNvXxtC7ILcl_J1lAbDNV6QV1aS7faRXt3RuKxdiKezKY_RNk_S9FEfEc3-VSv/s400/da154db6b380ed8af0fd6c33e4c3976b.jpg" width="205" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Pre-wedding dresses.</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN1oaSD3hux4UeM9c2yiLMQzFG9W1DxVSN6qFxXRumFtc2hyBEfhedHIwXZfeNrq4DAIdqbuU2sZ58DBDJU1imxMacwmqdIMDKW7iqZ2NsxpTnYTDzy7kYgH1I96FAKvLUUwcSSBszUt_E/s1600/bride+t+shirts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN1oaSD3hux4UeM9c2yiLMQzFG9W1DxVSN6qFxXRumFtc2hyBEfhedHIwXZfeNrq4DAIdqbuU2sZ58DBDJU1imxMacwmqdIMDKW7iqZ2NsxpTnYTDzy7kYgH1I96FAKvLUUwcSSBszUt_E/s200/bride+t+shirts.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">There's not just the dress for the wedding! Just as a wedding ceremony is not just a wedding ceremony anymore, but an engagement party, a bridal shower, a bachelor and bachelorette party, a rehearsal dinner, <i>and</i> a wedding, a bride may choose to purchase not only a wedding dress, but also an engagement dress, a bridal shower dress, a bachelorette party dress, a rehearsal dress, <i>and</i> a wedding dress. Plus there's the silk robe to wear when getting dressed for the wedding. The lingerie to wear after the wedding. Plus an all-purpose T-shirt whenever you are feeling sufficiently (or in-sufficiently) bride-like. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Why all this conspicuous consumption? It's a two-way street. As much as we would like to place the blame solely on the shoulders of the wedding industry, there wouldn't be such a huge supply if there wasn't at least some demand. Sure, some (much) of the demand was artificially created, but girls sure love shopping, especially for pretty clothes that make them feel special.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">What about trash the dress, the post-wedding event? Apparently a <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/10/fashion/weddings/10trash.html?_r=0">Las Vegas photographer suggested it</a>. The idea was that he was bored of normal wedding photos. He wanted to do something fun, like an actual fashion shoo<span style="font-size: large;">t, which includes ju<span style="font-size: large;">xtapo<span style="font-size: large;">sing the elegant with the trashy. So he convinced a bride to do the shoot. </span></span></span>Now other photographer<span style="font-size: large;">s are</span> pushing the idea. Why?</span><br />
<br />
<span class="textMain" style="font-size: large;">Vancouver photographer Darcie Radtke <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20080526023450/http://www.columbian.com/lifeHome/lifeHomeNews/2008/04/04152008_Trash-the-dress.cfm">says</a>, “A
lot of people are interested in trash-the-dress shoots but when it
comes to their own dress, they have a fear of actually doing it. But
most women have these dresses and put them in their closet and never
look at them again. This is a way to have beautiful, lasting images of
your dress.”</span><br />
<br />
<span class="textMain" style="font-size: large;">But don't women already have beautiful, lasting images of their dress from their wedding pictures? I hardly think they need more. It might also be better to have a beautiful, lasting dress (hence many women's fears of trashing them).</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixhgIMPSHcic3G20QHQh5HII__OkRiE70iDtScHpyi4sYHB3pCOagpiLJS21eK4ODqrsGWHGR3LHTbymyP7F5OvM0k_0yKZzNYqsAWG_rejUJQKMOYgPAfvmIfioO4h54WBLy3jnpvcSoH/s1600/trash_the_wedding_dress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixhgIMPSHcic3G20QHQh5HII__OkRiE70iDtScHpyi4sYHB3pCOagpiLJS21eK4ODqrsGWHGR3LHTbymyP7F5OvM0k_0yKZzNYqsAWG_rejUJQKMOYgPAfvmIfioO4h54WBLy3jnpvcSoH/s400/trash_the_wedding_dress.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Romantically tragic.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="textMain" style="font-size: large;">I have to admit, as financially irresponsible as the idea is, some trash-the-dress pictures look pretty nice. Besides the romantic and sexy ones (which, again, could occur at a wedding), there are some effects that are hard to achieve without a body of water. Some seem Ophelia-esque (just be careful to not <a href="http://www.montrealgazette.com/life/fashion-beauty/Maria+Pantazopoulos+really+girl+drowns+wedding+dress+taking+pictures+Rawdon/7142554/story.html">actually become like Ophelia</a>). Some seem daring. How many times are you going to jump off a cliff into the ocean? Maybe a few times. How many times are you going to jump off a cliff into the ocean wearing a thousand dollar dress? Only once, likely, even if you are in the habit of buying thousand dollar dresses.</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipHDD7OTF6A55S03JBYaAxHPS3PpqTfr3upvjeVOLofa9eYMcAqcp6m4zk0OA0V80Tn7gu3dFAT4AgbG26KcJVWDhz81VNHgD8ttYV38HyEKNLp672F94JNpJe5Y8w6YQI6CZUzssTXTnH/s1600/Trash-the-Dress_20.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipHDD7OTF6A55S03JBYaAxHPS3PpqTfr3upvjeVOLofa9eYMcAqcp6m4zk0OA0V80Tn7gu3dFAT4AgbG26KcJVWDhz81VNHgD8ttYV38HyEKNLp672F94JNpJe5Y8w6YQI6CZUzssTXTnH/s640/Trash-the-Dress_20.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Once in a lifetime plunge. Literally. Even more so than the <span style="font-size: x-small;">wedding itself.</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">There's a reason for that. Why ruin a thousand dollar dress that you spent months searching for (and then having tailored to your body)? Personally, I wouldn't even trash a hundred dollar dress. I spent money on that dress! I'm going to wear it again. I'm going to wear it until the cost-per-wear is under a dollar, even if I have to wear it to my neighbor's kid's birthday party to do it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifbh-78TiruVIskRkqfj5FFIQ6bjJ8VmsS_EiD9TBkWtDevMQEmM0C2nDgJf1lPaqpWxAOQIa73vkhzQATj_j2VoUOajPUoZm_xrjBk-frBljCFlPxQc2w4Kx2NShjI7BC-7AIT3Xxxhdw/s1600/b14afcaffc9cf03da395bf19efa166d6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifbh-78TiruVIskRkqfj5FFIQ6bjJ8VmsS_EiD9TBkWtDevMQEmM0C2nDgJf1lPaqpWxAOQIa73vkhzQATj_j2VoUOajPUoZm_xrjBk-frBljCFlPxQc2w4Kx2NShjI7BC-7AIT3Xxxhdw/s200/b14afcaffc9cf03da395bf19efa166d6.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Trash the dress, with friends.</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">There's other things you can do with your dress besides trash it, even if you aren't going to wear it every day for the next six years to make the cost-per-wear worth it. For one thing, you could save it for a fun friend photo<span style="font-size: large;"> (after all of your friends are married, knock<span style="font-size: large;">-on-wood).</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">You could <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/28/donate-your-wedding-dress_n_1924169.html">donate it</a> to goodwill or a bride-in-need. Or you can donate it on a more temporary basis to be used in school plays and graduations, or let your kids trash it when they use it for dress up (that's what my fiancé's mother did, and her dress is still in pretty good shape).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">You could wear it again when you renew your vows. You can save it so that your daughter (or granddaughter) can wear it (or at least some part of it). You could have the skirt shortened and dye it another color and make it your go-to formal dress.</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjVwFrXdfqzbvyhsG6vQ8GeYUeYDrYy0Gut-hapZcxR74N1UR7hV1aaYdUU1wsbLpppSxLcytregl4YIO6409LkYTdX2LkX40euv3xK28g1rNv7tsBC0D2nEuvaAZ7WWZjj63unv35RXo7/s1600/starbucks+bride-+pinterest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjVwFrXdfqzbvyhsG6vQ8GeYUeYDrYy0Gut-hapZcxR74N1UR7hV1aaYdUU1wsbLpppSxLcytregl4YIO6409LkYTdX2LkX40euv3xK28g1rNv7tsBC0D2nEuvaAZ7WWZjj63unv35RXo7/s400/starbucks+bride-+pinterest.jpg" width="265" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Suddenly measuring out one's life in coffee spoons doesn't seem so bad.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">Maybe that takes away from the <a href="http://fromgirlstowomen.blogspot.tw/2013/04/why-are-weddings-such-big-deal.html">singularity</a> of the dress?
Maybe. But isn't that what marriage is? The turning of an extravaganza
into the quotidian? Isn't that a good thing?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">At the very least, </span>you can always try putting on your dress again and <span style="font-size: large;">head over to Starbucks for a free coffee. </span></span>Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-74335855295149276662013-04-06T01:18:00.001-07:002013-04-13T20:56:22.020-07:00Why are Weddings such a Big Deal?<span style="font-size: large;">Pinterest has a whole section devoted to weddings. Women not even engaged yet (sometimes not even with a partner!) pin their dream weddings. Why so much investment in this ideal? Why is it so pervasive and so overblown?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I have two theories: singularity and identity.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">By singularity I mean that for most women, this is the biggest party they will ever throw in their lives, and for many women this is the first party they will throw. For some it will be the only one. At least it seems this way. Both tradition and the wedding market encourage this. Traditionally, getting married is a major milestone. This was when you not only committed yourself to a person for eternity, but also became an adult and moved out of your parents' house and started having sex. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The singularity of the event means that women will pour in a lot of effort to make sure that this day is the perfect day. They will muse about the menu, cogitate about flowers, and agonize over the dress, because there's only one chance that they can get this right--and it will be photographed and filmed for future posterity and facebook.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX9OTKp3uUr8AhOLXCbnO7WM-0yxLda2bNt9j6Z7TP0lza1FKorUfWgXOgEEF9BBLy5mXwoPWmvUBNzZkwHLAw_Y2YFbRBDsXGNzNStNcEUDDASjyndVaobszUS7U4ASjzZEeLJUg_JWuR/s1600/dff62d1457d56ae7154e0a097699c5f9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX9OTKp3uUr8AhOLXCbnO7WM-0yxLda2bNt9j6Z7TP0lza1FKorUfWgXOgEEF9BBLy5mXwoPWmvUBNzZkwHLAw_Y2YFbRBDsXGNzNStNcEUDDASjyndVaobszUS7U4ASjzZEeLJUg_JWuR/s1600/dff62d1457d56ae7154e0a097699c5f9.jpg" height="261" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I found that it takes a lot of pressure off to not think about the wedding as the only party I will ever plan. If something doesn't make the cut or is too prohibitively expensive, I can file it away for some future party, such as an anniversary, my bridal shower, or a friend's wedding (at the risk of becoming a bridemaidzilla). Bacon-wrapped canapes don't fit the theme? I can make them for a dinner party. Peonies too expensive? Hint to husband that they would make a nice anniversary gift. Tulle canopy held aloft by balloons not appropriate for an indoor wedding? Save it for a friend's bridal shower (or birthday). </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's very liberating. Instead of agonizing over whether or not I'm making the best choice, I can put it down to deliberating about the right choice, and comfort myself with the idea that I can still experience all those other photo-worthy displays some other time in my life (if I still care).</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">What about identity? After all, a wedding is now less of a community event and more of an expression of the bridal couple (or at least the bride). It could express how they have money, or it could express that the couple enjoy the irony of wearing expensive outfits and drinking fancy signature cocktails out of mason jars in a barn. Seeing that this is a large gathering of realtime people, the couple probably want to represent themselves well. It's an expression of what they value, calculated by what they choose to spend their money on.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://offbeatbride.com/">Offbeat bride</a> celebrates this. The introduction to the book talks about how it was important for the wedding to convey how the bridal couple were, instead of going through the motions of wearing a veil and walking down an aisle to appease family and community. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/One-Perfect-Day-Selling-American/dp/1594200882">One Perfect Day</a> warns that this is not only a marketing tactic, but a harbinger of a breakdown of community. <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/03/an-ironic-low-key-unconventional-wedding-is-still-a-wedding/273770/">An Atlantic article</a> warns that just because your wedding isn't unique, doesn't mean you aren't getting married.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">My take aligns more with offbeat bride. Even though a wedding is in some ways more about the people invited than the bridal couple, if the community didn't accept the couple for who they were, I don't think they would go. Also, a lot of the hipster ideas regarding rented barns and mason jars are, in fact, ways of saving money, though the wedding industry has proprietized those practices. As for the Atlantic article--isn't that the point? To express oneself while still participating in something that, even 50 years from now, you can point to in your outdated video to your grandchildren and still have them recognize it as a wedding?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, I wanted a lot of things for my wedding, not out of practicality, but because I had an idea of it in my head or because I thought it went with a theme I liked. I spent a lot of money on flowers because I wanted a bouquet (as did my bridesmaids). I didn't want all-Asian catering, even though it would have been cheaper. I am going to get married in an Asian-American Museum, not only because it's relatively cheap and the right size and I'm afraid of getting married outside because of the weather, but because I thought it was appropriate for my identity. That's why I stuck with those choices even when costs and hidden charges got racked up.</span><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmLkl6mhDVGx-3TAmgZm7iQ0fE8f-KhixPgxs_KnelR9ibUx8T7qWLbTXiXh5lXRAjCf6tLnbCo6DO053fbXHfWtr-EMBwkBkb6kZgBcjUXYVry0deyO8LIeZFzO6DOvyLAUetT4K_iNX6/s1600/Vera-Wang-red-wedding-dresses-2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmLkl6mhDVGx-3TAmgZm7iQ0fE8f-KhixPgxs_KnelR9ibUx8T7qWLbTXiXh5lXRAjCf6tLnbCo6DO053fbXHfWtr-EMBwkBkb6kZgBcjUXYVry0deyO8LIeZFzO6DOvyLAUetT4K_iNX6/s1600/Vera-Wang-red-wedding-dresses-2013.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Vera Wang's 2013 red bridal collection<span style="font-size: x-small;">. To</span> <a href="http://fashionista.com/2012/04/why-red-wedding-gowns-are-the-latest-bridal-trend/2/">aim at the<span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span>Chin</a><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://fashionista.com/2012/04/why-red-wedding-gowns-are-the-latest-bridal-trend/2/">ese market</a>?</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">I also considered wearing a red dress (one part practicality, one part tradition, two parts because it matches the venue). My friend asked me, why not get married at city hall if I'm not going to wear a white dress? Why have any of it? Why invite people from both sides of the Pacific to this thing where we pay for them to eat fancy food and unlimited wine and beer, in the process coordinating headache-inducing schematics including timelines, spreadsheets, websites, and $200 worth of flowers, for the love of all that is good and holy? (My fiance wonders this whenever I try to coordinate with him.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Well, because I still wanted a wedding, even if it's not completely traditional. To say that a differ<span style="font-size: large;">ent colored dress would invalidate that was pretty insulting.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It will be (I swear) the most expensive party I will ever throw in my life. It will have the largest number of guests (that I personally invite and know of). It is the only time I will ever rent out a venue or hire a caterer. It is (hopefully) the only time I will ever get married.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It is also a chance to express myself, my culture, and my love for my <span style="font-size: large;">husband-to-be</span>.</span>Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-27122383909741336912013-04-04T21:48:00.000-07:002013-04-04T21:51:00.821-07:00Why Commit?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbzaoAr26osoisNgvFDxMSaDzoX3MhRiWHQbOMxr2K3jCLzcRJkqTazYzymW3wsWkpLJH8g04HkCFMybHaQuPog7ZN2JFVRfu2srULozP_HaxSWcPAkBPqL1CiG1FPrYTtXJTf20EVwyea/s1600/marriage_2074156b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbzaoAr26osoisNgvFDxMSaDzoX3MhRiWHQbOMxr2K3jCLzcRJkqTazYzymW3wsWkpLJH8g04HkCFMybHaQuPog7ZN2JFVRfu2srULozP_HaxSWcPAkBPqL1CiG1FPrYTtXJTf20EVwyea/s1600/marriage_2074156b.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">When marriage first came up between me and my boyfriend, I freaked out a little. I was loved my boyfriend, but thought we hadn't been together long enough to test-run the relationship. I practically lived with my boyfriend, but I thought I was too young to marry. I had always thought I would be one of those women who would focus on her career and marry after she was 30. After all, those women <a href="http://www.freakonomics.com/">have more intelligent children</a> (it's in the first book--take my word for it). Besides which, the subject had come up out of the blue.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So I dealt with my feelings of unease the way I deal with all of my problems. By reading a lot of books about the subject. These books helped me in different ways. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/No-Cheating-Dying-Marriage-Better/dp/1439168229/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1365134970&sr=1-1&keywords=no+cheating+no+dying">No Cheating, No Dying</a> made me realize that a relationship is still dynamic and fun after marriage. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Committed-Love-Story-Elizabeth-Gilbert/dp/0143118706">Committed</a>'s gem was this:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnnD6daWpRO4WR41B0msXpKb7UOZ3DbY6dNor2LEzvO34PMAtv9dbZIg8GGFD0KawWFxd-7BbbyMREYvA1NmgjzYA7li9CHUhOCldv7f46Y2COKuDd7wlKuHWfp3pYNeN2yfDOcDtTofEg/s1600/Picture+3.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnnD6daWpRO4WR41B0msXpKb7UOZ3DbY6dNor2LEzvO34PMAtv9dbZIg8GGFD0KawWFxd-7BbbyMREYvA1NmgjzYA7li9CHUhOCldv7f46Y2COKuDd7wlKuHWfp3pYNeN2yfDOcDtTofEg/s640/Picture+3.png" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's a crazy-cool story with aquamarine analogies and everything. There's also an anti-cheating hack (basically don't keep more secrets with someone else than with each other). However, the book never really elucidated to me why it made sense to be committed, especially if you're not going to have children. It did lay out the problem pretty neatly though: "The problem, simply put, is that we cannot choose everything
simultaneously. So we live in danger of becoming paralyzed by
indecision, terrified that every choice might be the wrong choice."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I decided to make the leap anyway. It's always an emotional choice anyway, no matter how you try to analyze and categorize it. I knew when I could not only think about marriage without anxiety, but with excitement. And this week a <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/preview/blog/what_four_decades_of_marriage_taught_a_grateful_husband/01/01/274652/?u=atlantic&p=media&c=?032033">letter to The Atlantic</a> explained it all:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLCXeTLy5KM-_r03-0t8LgD4iDDlkCQOdKOa3U9858qZOVN08wrT1KNg4OL1dvX-DM4DvPgPUyeEEHftQAIFWFmts7uvcpb3tjcy6B9hP3wGt9vHPyHZAjMqlhC7Q0XhTNDYqYUw_O9ZBm/s1600/Picture+4.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLCXeTLy5KM-_r03-0t8LgD4iDDlkCQOdKOa3U9858qZOVN08wrT1KNg4OL1dvX-DM4DvPgPUyeEEHftQAIFWFmts7uvcpb3tjcy6B9hP3wGt9vHPyHZAjMqlhC7Q0XhTNDYqYUw_O9ZBm/s640/Picture+4.png" width="640" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Freedom in commitment is a beautiful, paradoxical idea. It reminded me of Barry Schartz's P<a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_on_the_paradox_of_choice.html">aradox of Choice</a>. Once we stop wanting to have it all, you can focus on how to cultivate what you have chosen. You can now imagine your life together--what your house will look like, how you will raise your kids. Also realize that you can still do a lot of the <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/1989/04/23/magazine/the-way-we-play-girls-night-out.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm">things you used to do as a single person</a> or a <a href="http://www.backpackinglight.com/cgi-bin/backpackinglight/00177#.UV5Tg4Vajek">childless couple</a> when you're married with kids.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">What about my children? Well, I'm assuming the fact that I considered getting married after 30 is indicative enough of my intelligence that I will be able to pass on those genes. What about my career? Well, after reading<span style="font-size: large;"> Penelope Trunk, I'm now worried that I'm </span><a href="http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2006/06/01/get-married-first-then-focus-on-career/">not going to start having children soon enough</a>.</span>Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-33148700540649056882013-04-01T19:01:00.000-07:002013-04-04T21:52:41.264-07:00Sure, Blame Feminism for the Hook-up Culture<span style="font-size: large;">Interesting <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/04/the-real-problem-with-hooking-up-bad-sex/274543/">article</a> in The Atlantic magazine today about how interviewer Freitas determined the hook-up culture is not all that it's cracked up to be. It argues that hooking up is, well, boring most of the time, or leads to unsatisfying sex. This makes sense. How are people supposed to get good at sex if all of their experience are drunken one-night stands?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Stereotypes aside (the article features much anecdotal evidence, if no statistics), it's an interesting way of giving people and excuse to opt-out of the hook-up culture without seeming like a Puritanical prude. It reminds me of something (god help me) Stephanie Meyer once said about Edward and Bella's relationship (before all the BDSM of their marriage night),"I get some pressure to put a big sex scene in," Meyer says. "But you
can go anywhere for graphic sex. It's harder to find a romance where
they dwell on the hand-holding. I was a late bloomer. When I was 16,
holding hands was just--wow" (<a href="http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1734838,00.html#ixzz2PGS769Iy">Time</a>).</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Sounds pretty good. Why settle for mediocre sex when you can get great hand-holding (and more)? This reminds me of "The Woman Who Loved to Make Vaginas Happy" from <i>The Vagina Monologues, </i>where it is stated that <span class="st">"moans are connected with <b>not</b> getting what you want right away."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span class="st" style="font-size: large;">When we fall in love, a smorgasbord of chemicals in our brains make us lose appetite, develop OCD, but also make us very, very happy. That only lasts for <a href="http://phys.org/news8568.html">about a year</a> though. Some scientists have used that as evidence that humans aren't made for monogamy. There are even love addicts now, that go in search of a new partner as soon as the hormonal and neurotransmitter high fades. In a way, this may seem like an endorsement of of hook-up culture, but hey--<i>a year</i>. That's a long time to be with someone in these hook-up times.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span class="st" style="font-size: large;">In any case, assuming that hook-up culture is boring, what is one to do? The article argues that the solutions Freitas are not viable. That's reasonable when the only proposed solution seems to be for adults to warn young adults of the dangers of unsatisfying hook-ups. Any viable inroads on this subject probably have to come from within the generation itself, such as in young adult TV (<i>Girls</i> portrays sex as pretty mediocre most of the time), facebook groups, etc.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span class="st" style="font-size: large;">My real issue with the article though, is that it states Freitas "</span><span style="font-size: large;">feminism a pass, even while acknowledging that many feminist writers
have welcomed the destruction of the traditional date, because such
courting rituals 'propped up patriarchy,' as one feminist critic quoted
in the book put it."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Since when has feminism ever gotten a pass? Most people don't even know what feminism is, or at least it's definition is very much in dispute, with people all up in arms every time a celebrity like Zooey Deschanel or Stephanie Meyer or Marissa Mayer choose to embrace or not embrace the label. The problem is that there have been <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First-wave_feminism">at</a> <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second-wave_feminism">least</a> <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third-wave_feminism">three</a> movements of feminism, and they don't always agree with each other.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's probably somewhere between the 2nd and the 3rd movement that the traditional date was destroyed though. It probably propped up patriarchy because . . . men asked women out? Men paid for the dates? Sorry, but it seems pretty easy to resurrect the traditional date with feminist trappings: go Dutch! And yes, women can ask men out too sometimes (even if most date books which dabble in evolutionary psychology advise against this). And yes, women can arrange dates as well!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">My boyfriend (now my fiance) and I did all three. I told him that I liked him, and we mutually decided where to go for a date. At the end of the date I told him that I believed in going Dutch, which he had no problem with (though he subverted the practice by buying me chocolate bars). When we go out nowadays? The planning? All me. <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/03/some-theories-on-why-men-dont-do-as-many-household-tasks/273834/">Which seems to be the norm among married couples.</a> (It's called "invisible work.") Every once in awhile in complains, but then again he doesn't have any alternatives (besides staying home, and since we stay home 80% of the time, I win the 20% of the time I arrange dates).</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">In short, while "it seems legitimate to wonder if feminism has unwillingly equalized the
sexual playing field to allow women the freedom to behave with as much
recklessness as men, as Ariel Levy argued in <i>Female Chauvinist Pigs</i>" whatever's done can be undone. The pendulum continues to swing. While, sure, feminists <i>want</i> the freedom to act like chauvinist pigs without any more condemnation than male chauvinist pigs, that doesn't mean that we all want to <i>be</i> chauvinist pigs, anymore than all men want to be chauvinist pigs. I don't believe feminism is women becoming like men. I think feminism is men and women becoming like each other. Somewhere in that middle ground, maybe we can not participate in hook-up culture without becoming Puritanical prudes. </span>Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-2547444244524541852013-03-06T05:11:00.001-08:002013-04-04T22:15:50.748-07:00How the Internet Is Killing the Fashion Industry<span style="font-size: large;">The Atlantic ran a <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/02/how-live-video-could-ruin-fashion-week-and-leave-us-with-ugly-clothes/273129/">satisfyingly dismissive response</a> to how live video streaming of fashion shows will damage the fashion industry. I'm fond of fashion, but I admit it's only skin deep, no matter what fashion shows say about a good image boosting confidence. Even if you love fashion, you may not necessarily love the fashion industry.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">In <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0458352/">The Devil Wears Prada</a>, Miranda Priestly gives a lecture on how all of our fashion choices are dictated by fashion designers, whose ideas then trickle down to the little people (sometimes through Zara, <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/11/zaras-big-idea-what-the-worlds-top-fashion-retailer-tells-us-about-innovation/265126/">which admittedly does basically plagiarize</a>).</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Overall though, I'm like get over it. After a certain amount of time, copyright on designs should expire, such as on the wrap dress. Also, we don't need gatekeepers to tell us how to dress well. Sometimes someone like Coco Chanel comes along and revolutionizes things, but there are geniuses in every field. Designers, take your place among the other starving artists of the world. Fashion writers, you will have to adapt the way of TV guide writers.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Another endangered species is the model. Now modeling is challenging in its own way, but still, it's pretty wildly overpaid. There's a couple of reasons why they may see their job numbers decline.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkSjG10ADPJYknA8OvQRqfHBUIMnvzOHGyCrt-o8NWwLOzeHYFH3vIkyO2ocNkAEbt3DGbwPK-FiGujupaMbO_LJO8jurpKD723Lum7nc411a620rqjO9DHSp7rOLjIgbbyl7j5HqrCYls/s1600/b2de4bd96675b2a4e6a0ad1f9ef3c899.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkSjG10ADPJYknA8OvQRqfHBUIMnvzOHGyCrt-o8NWwLOzeHYFH3vIkyO2ocNkAEbt3DGbwPK-FiGujupaMbO_LJO8jurpKD723Lum7nc411a620rqjO9DHSp7rOLjIgbbyl7j5HqrCYls/s320/b2de4bd96675b2a4e6a0ad1f9ef3c899.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Now <a href="http://simplyme091909.blogspot.tw/2011_10_01_archive.html">you</a> can be a model too!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">One, product placement and endorsements are replacing photo ads and even filmed commercials, which means models will be replaced by actors and, well, bloggers. I've been browsing fashion blogs and <a href="http://pinterest.com/all/womens_fashion/"><span style="font-size: large;">P</span>interest</a> lately, and I notice that quite a few outfits are curated not by professionals, but by users on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/"><span style="font-size: large;">P</span>olyvore</a> or just a girl with a camer<span style="font-size: large;">a </span>and access to social media. That's all you need to be an amateur model nowadays. You may not get the perks, but you'll get all of the intrinsic rewards.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And it works. It's unlikely that any one person can generate as much as a "professional," but the aggregate is more than what professionals alone could produce.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Of course, there's always the chance that we as a population may start dressing ugly, but more likely we'll dress boring. Not that the fashion industry is always creative, but some advertisements are like works of art. How will we continue to get them?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Don't worry. There will be less fashion jobs, but there will always be the elite. In a way, the inundation of the amateur might elevate the truly professional, just like the preponderance of free downloadable movies that we can watch on our laptops makes going to a movie theater special. There will be competition, but the competitiveness of the top notch positions will not tolerate mediocrity. Plus there will always be the many amateur fashionistas who are willing to experiment for free, because they have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. Don't worry, you can still be the next Coco Chanel.</span>Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-73288066194307862392013-01-18T21:07:00.000-08:002013-06-19T03:09:48.515-07:00Diamonds Are a Scam<span style="font-size: large;"><img class="collage-image" data-lazy-loaded="true" src="http://img3.etsystatic.com/il_570xN.276223899.jpg" style="display: inline; left: -88px; top: -6px; width: 482px;" /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Look at that diamond above. Pretty, isn't it<span style="font-size: large;">?</span> I admit, before I started writing this, I went to <a href="http://www.etsy.com/blog/weddings/your-guide-to-engagement-rings/?ref=cat_blg_car">etsy</a>, where I had oft seen many such pretty, conflict-free diamonds. I thought it was only fair to remind myself, and you, dear reader, of what you're missing out on. </span><span style="font-size: large;">As </span><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="toolSet" style="width: 335px;"><span class="byline"><a href="http://www.latimes.com/news/custom/topofthetimes/features/la-hm-0119-affairs-20130119,0,7142116.story">Lilli Cloud</a> said, "</span></span>Those sparkling facets wink at you. They beckon, tempt and eventually seduce you."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">But t</span>his post is about how diamonds a even more of a scam than I had imagined. Sure, diamonds are forever, but they're made up of one of the most common substances on earth. In its pure, non-compressed form, it resembles that graphite we put in our mechanical pencils (and actually, according to my Chemistry teacher, there is some decay, but that's not relevant for people who are not going to live for thousands of years). A diamond's durability is one of the few qualities it has that actually renders it useful, just as gold became valuable because of its malleability and the fact that it doesn't tarnish (sorry, silver). If you just want something shiny, try <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cubic_zirconia#Cubic_zirconia_versus_diamond">cubic zirconia</a>. They're actually almost as hard as diamonds, and much superior in color, clarity, and <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/80403295/beautiful-14k-white-gold-solitaire?ref=sr_gallery_22&ga_search_query=cubic+zirconia+engagement+ring&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=XX&ga_ref=auto1&ga_search_type=all">price</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Most of a diamond's value though, comes from its rarity. A false rarity. Despite all of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_diamond">horrors</a> that come about from the mining of diamonds, really, they wouldn't be worth so much if <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/De_Beers">De Beers</a> hasn't boarded up so many diamond mines to keep demand higher than production.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Because of all these things, I had decided long ago that I wasn't going to pay a bunch of money for a shiny rock made of the most abundant element in the universe, only kept artificially rare, and quite likely responsible for bloodshed. Then I read an <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/304575/">article</a>. It isn't even a new article, but a reprint from 1982! It chronicles the history of just how much De Beers is screwing the American* consumer.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">*Despite Cartier being a major purveyor of diamond engagement rings, most French don't wear diamond engagement rings. The best evidence I can find, other than the Atlantic article, is this <a href="http://www.diamondring.com/forums/showthread.php?t=33005">forum</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">To summarize, De Beers realized that they couldn't saturate the diamond market, so they decided to completely control it and limit production. They even made a deal with a Russian diamond company to sell small (less than one carat) diamonds for awhile until they started losing money on large diamonds.Their marketing campaign to convince Americans to buy more expensive diamond rings really started in 1938. Yes, there was a tradition of buying diamond engagement rings already, but with the help of Hollywood, they really cemented the connection between diamonds and romance. In three years, they had increased diamond consumption by 55% By the end of the 1950s (a time when many American traditions sprouted up) "[t]he message had
been so successfully impressed on the minds of this generation that those who
could not afford to buy a diamond at the time of their marriage would 'defer the purchase' rather than forgo it." In other words, people would put their lives on hold so they could buy not a home or a car or baby supplies, but a rock.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The real meat of the article though, is when it talks about how De Beers kept demand for diamonds up by convincing women to never sell their diamonds. Think of how many diamond rings are sold every year. For the past 70 years. If those diamonds were to ever enter the diamond market, there would be a huge fluctuation in price of diamonds. But these diamonds will never make it into the market, advertisers have convinced people that one should never sell one's diamonds. Even in death, they should be passed on to ones' heirs.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I have to admit that it's pretty hard to sell a ring that is supposed to be a symbol of your marriage (even if your marriage ends in divorce), but what about diamond necklaces, bracelets, and earrings? Basically, any diamond that you try to sell will go for less than half of what you paid for. Not even the jeweler you bought it from will take it back for close to full value (or even take it back at all). De Beers purposely keeps diamond prices stable by limiting production when needed. That price stability leads people to believe that diamonds are a good investment.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />A</span>
<span style="font-size: large;">n engagement ring, a wedding band, even an anniversary stone--they're more than jewelry--they're symbols of commitment. But don't fool yourself into thinking that they're fiscally viable. Why spend thousands of dollars on something that is only artificially valuable?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">For more reasons on why you shouldn't buy diamonds, see <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ira-weissman/7-reasons-why-you-shouldn_b_1720870.html">this</a> link.</span> <br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-26118764836397680352012-04-27T18:48:00.001-07:002012-04-27T19:07:18.930-07:00Repost - Horrible Things We Do to Our Bodies: CosmeticsNote: this is by no means a comprehensive list. Off the top of my head, I left off nail polish and vagina bleaching. Yes, <a href="http://ezinearticles.com/?Vagina-Whitening---Best-Vaginal-Bleaching-Tips-Revealed&id=2430809">vagina bleaching</a>.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://seekingahappymedium.blogspot.com/2012/04/minimal-beauty-to-max-no-makeup-no.html">Minimal Beauty to the Max</a></span>Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-53722963633600887022012-04-22T00:22:00.001-07:002012-04-22T00:22:58.183-07:00In Defense of Quickies<span style="font-size: large;">I am a perfectionist. This means that I read about perfectionism and wonder if it is a good thing or not. I have read research saying that perfectionism leads to procrastination because we are always waiting for the "perfect mood" or otherwise procrastinating because we know once we start what would be a mundane task for most other people, we are embarking on a time-consuming project where every t must be crossed, every i dotted.</span><br />
<br />
This is why I don't proofread my blog posts. I don't even make a habit of reading over them before I post them. If I did, then it would escalate until I was revising it three times (for content, organization/style, and grammar) before I post, so I just post. Please excuse my typos and grammatical errors. I go back and fix them if I or other people notice them.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Imagine having sex with a perfectionist. It would be very stressful. Also, the perfectionist might put off having sex whenever he/she is the least bit tired or not in the mood, because he/she is afraid of being anything but his/her best in the sac. I'm not quite like that, but I do have anxiety about having sex when I'm tired because I'm in danger of becoming a "pillow queen." The other night, after staying up until 1:30 am talking with my boyfriend and being <i>very</i> sleep deprived from accumulated irregular sleeping cycles, I asked if he wanted to make out, but asked if it was okay if I was a pillow queen and just let him kiss me so I wouldn't have to be active. He said it was fine, and proceeded to have sex with me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The sex was different from before. I was more relaxed that I had ever been. While we were not physically doing anything different, a combination of the sleep deprivation (which makes me act like I'm drunk and eventually made me start giggling for no good reason) and lack of expectations made me approach sex with a different perspective. I noticed and enjoyed things more, without analyzing them or trying to match them.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">That session of sex was actually not a quickie, but after awhile we terminated sex since it was late, we were both tired, and we had to go to work the next morning.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The next morning, my boyfriend wanted to "finish" like he hadn't the night before. What follows was what was probably the most seemingly disinterested session of sex we have ever had. I enjoyed the quickie, actually, but again it was different.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">First of all, my boyfriend started initiating sex with me after 7 o'clock. Usually by this time he's leaving for work or anxiously getting ready to leave for work, so I (who was still lazing in bed) was like, "Wha? You're trying to have sex with me now? At this time?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Second of all, unlike him, I did not awake with a hard-on (thank goodness for that), but I wasn't wet either. Therefore, told him, "No, don't go in yet." He admits that he was rushing it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Third and lastly, because it was the quickest quickie we've ever had (although it was 7:18am by the time it ended, to my boyfriend's anxiety), my boyfriend came subtly. I was confused about whether or not he had come or not because his reaction wasn't as extreme as it usually was. He noticed that I noticed, joking that my reaction was, "What? You're done already?" Really, it was more like, "Did you cum or not? Because I'm not really sure."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Despite all of this, I enjoyed the quickie and told my boyfriend that I had no problem having more of them in the future. For one thing, it's low-pressure (not just for me, for him, since he worries about bringing me to a climax, which just makes me more anxious about whether or not I can get to a climax). For another thing, they're quick and they feel good.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Let's say that most sex is like the movies. There are romances, action movies, horror films, chick flicks, dramas, indies, and epics. They are all huge productions and last a certain amount of time. Movies are great. I mean, some of them disappoint you or are so-so, but the really great ones give you a sense of catharsis and euphoria and have you thinking/talking about it for days.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Quickies are like comic strips or inspirational quotations. They're short, you enjoy them, and they make you feel better about your day.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The fact that quickies are quick make them very good for long-term couples in committed relationships. Relationships with small children (or even larger children) do not have time for private movies very often. There is actually a theory of sex in married couples that claims that couples purposely squash passion because it is based on mystery (and hence lack of intimacy) and unpredictability (which is not good when you have two kids, two careers, and a mortgage). Therefore sex becomes, if not boring, at least very routine (after the kids are put to bed every Thursday night!). On the other hand, plenty of studies show that people should have more sex because it improves our quality of life. Quickies would allow such couples to have more sex, and to have it in an unpredictable and therefore passionate, but manageable way. Easy solution, right?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Lastly, quickies still feel good. I once saw a quotation about golf: "Golf is like sex. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good." I have to admit that sometimes when I have trouble waking up in the morning, I masturbate. It's quick and low-pressure and easy, and afterward I have this sense of euphoria that tricks me into thinking the rest of the day will be okay. While I'm not advocating that people stop masturbating just because they have a regular sexual partner, why not share the love? </span>Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-67015749092347251362012-04-17T08:39:00.000-07:002012-04-21T10:55:15.853-07:00Porn, Sex, Intimacy, and the Failure of Youporn<span style="font-size: large;">My first
semi-interaction with porn was when one of my best friends in middle
school informed me that her boyfriend would regularly go watch porn with
his friends at one of his friend's houses (it was his dad's porn). She
thought it was really weird. I, not dating the guy, and already
indirectly exposed to my dad's porn collection, didn't think much of it.
It was like a rite of passage for them.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><span style="font-size: small;">Later on, I questioned my boyfriend about this whole group of guys
watching porn together phenomenon. Even though he's not homophobic, he
thought it was a bit like the "locker room" phenomenon and therefore a
bit gay--a bunch of guys watching porn together. On the other hand, my
boyfriend has been kicked out of the "dude" club for not approving of
guys talking about the graphic sex they would have with their
co-workers/acquaintances.</span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br />My first direct interaction with porn . . . was through manga.
There's quite a bit of soft-core (soft-core in that the penis is
censored out) manga porn. They vary in their level of plot, realism (but
very little manga is realistic anyway), and humiliation of the female
(a common theme--usually the girl is so ashamed of being turned
on--sometimes because the guy is a jerk--that she can't even bear to
look at herself in the mirror).</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br />In the meantime I was taking a psychology course on human sexuality,
which covered, among other things, bonobo sexual habits, sexual
therapy, viagra, pedophilia, molestation, transgender people, and porn. I
came out of that class undecided about porn's role, except that
Christian fundamentalist emergency hotline workers were crazy for
focusing on husband's porn habits when there were so many other issues
in a relationship. I view excessive porn usage as an effect of a
dysfunctional marriage, not (necessarily) its cause. It's not even sure
that the porn usage was excessive.</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Note:I know someone who used to work for a porn company, the same one
that later got sued for distributing videos of Pamela Anderson. His job
mostly involved answering the telephone, including telling grandmothers
and minister's wives what these mysterious charges were on their
grandson's/husband's credit card. For the grandson viewing gay porn, he
said they were an entertainment website. For the minister's wife, he was
honest to the point of pointing out that just because the porn was
being accessed by the church's computer didn't mean that her husband
wasn't culpable.</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br />There are also crazy husbands who view their wives' masturbation as
cheating. Obviously I'm more liberal than that, but at the risk of
sounding like a fundamentalist Christian, I don't think porn's role in
society is harmless. There are two types of feminists. The ones who
believe that women should be sexually liberated (as in we should imitate the
sexual appetites and tastes of men) and those who think that porn
objectifies women. I slant more toward the latter. What if I don't want
to imitate the sexual appetites and tastes of men? There's a reason why
the sex industry has failed to attract a female following. (Apparently a
lot of people, involving women, have worked on this.) I think the reason for failure was trying to follow the same formula as
porn for men.</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br />There is a huge industry in female-audience porn. It's called the
romance novel industry. I've read a few by Danielle Steele and Nora
Ephron (whom I suspect might be the "higher-end" writers). The plots are
sometimes contrived, especially the sexual tension and male dominance
over females, but I have to admit they're not bad writers. Why do these
novels succeed when video porn fails? Probably the semblance of a plot.
More importantly, there's supposed to be emotion and even intimacy in
romance novels, two things noticeably absent in video porn.</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br />My first real interaction with "real" porn was in a hotel in
Taichung. While
flipping through the channels, my boyfriend discovered that we had free
porn--at least three channels of it. One was the weird Japanese porn
where the vagina is pixelated out, but the other ones were English
language and everything. We watched it. We touched each other. We
started having sex. We turned off the TV.</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br />So porn can be sex positive even in a real relationship. My favorite
moment of watching porn with my boyfriend though? We were watching an
unusually plot heavy movie (although it didn't make sense and ultimately
went unresolved).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">My favorite sex scene was between the protagonist's
best friend/editor and her (own) boyfriend. It had been mentioned before
that he was a guy who spontaneously did sweet things for her (to
the protagonist's displeasure--I seriously thought she had a thing for
her friend's boyfriend for awhile--oh the wasted plotline!). Their sex
scene was oddly intimate. I mentioned to my boyfriend that the actors
actually seemed to be enjoying themselves.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">However, my favorite <i>moment</i>
was when the protagonist had an argument with her editor friend about
how the editor didn't know how hard it was to find love because she had a
great boyfriend. The editor then talked about how tired she was of her
friend being bitter about the editor's great relationship, and how hard
it was for the editor to see her friend get into shitty relationship
after shitty relationship with douchebags. It was a revelation. That's
what I was (am) going through with one of my friends!</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br />Flashback: My first interaction with video porn came after reading
about youporn in a magazine while waiting in a doctor's office (the same
way I discovered Hulu). A woman wrote a positive view of it, saying
that it was a realistic depiction of real sex, unwaxed vaginas and
interruptions by crying babies and all. I searched it, confirmed I was
over 18, and watched. In the beginning I watched some nice videos,
devoid of position changing, cock shots, cum shots, or even people's
faces. There was one interracial couple where the female (on top) seemed
genuinely affectionate. I guess the male was too, because he was
constantly stroking her hair. Their sex was brief and ended with little
fanfare or vocalization, but some kissing. Later on I watched a married
couple have sex. The video included the wife venting her frustration
from the day and complimenting her husband on making the bed nice as he
actively listened and stroked her clitoris. Eventually he mentioned that
she was already wet, but he went to go fetch a stool that they
frequently used in their sexual interactions, as well as some lubricant.
She reversed cowboyed him and attempted to talk dirty, but it was clear
that she was unused to it and laughed at herself.</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br />There were other, sexier videos (though less intimate), but
eventually youporn got inundated by amateur porn artists, illegal
uploads of professional porn, and women showing how they could put
baseball bats up their vaginas. I watched a couple of "documentary" type
porn videos, showing real married couples having sex. They were
interviewed beforehand on how they met and what they liked about each
other, and then on to the sex! It was still boring. First I suck on my
wife's nipple, and then she sucks on my cock, etc., etc. It seemed
mechanical.</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Perhaps I was biased against professional porn, seeing how I
had mostly seen amateur versions of it. I assumed that professional porn
would be just as mechanical and boring. Most of it was. Besides the sex
scene with the editor friend and her boyfriend, most of the sex scenes,
even in that particular movie, seemed like people just going through
the motions. Even the penultimate sex scene, where the protagonists
finally (actually) gets together with her paramour was boring. I told my
boyfriend I was disappointed. There was no passion, no intimacy, no
indication that these two people actually liked each other. Sure, maybe
sex gets boring after you've been doing it for hours (on Cialis), but
these were supposed to be professionals!</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br />Another reason video porn may not appeal to females is that, well,
the camera is focusing on the wrong things. For one thing, I personally
find most porn actresses to be unattractive. They're overly tanned,
mostly with beach blond hair, and have breasts (real or more likely
surgery enhanced) that are huge and pushed up to show cleavage <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K1KHqi9bXc">through their turtlenecks</a>. I can't imagine looking like these women or even
wanting to look like these women. That's okay, because they're for the
men to look at (and for the men to subconsciously start to holding as a
standard for real women). The men? They're a bit tanned, but I can't
argue with their huge cocks or their cut abs or their tight butts.
Mostly the camera doesn't focus on them though. The camera is much more
interested in viewing the woman from the man's perspective, so as to
simulate the actual experience of having sex with the porn actress.</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br />This is why I complained to my boyfriend that porn is boring. I
don't want to look down at some woman's breasts for twenty minutes. I
suppose it's more interesting for guys because 1) they like breasts and
2) they're supposed to be actively masturbating at this point. As
<a href="http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2012/02/24/some-advice-about-taking-advice/">Penelope Trunk</a> points out, good sex is boring (except, perhaps, if you're the one engaging in it).</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">That's the (a) woman's perspective on porn. What about guys? I
believe porn is just as bad for men's relationships with women as
romance novels and fairy tales and Disney movies and romantic comedies
are bad for women's relationships with men. They both set unrealstic,
fetishized examples that get more and more extreme as media producers
struggle to distinguish themselves from each other. Sure, sometimes it
can be stylistic and fun, but they have little to do with reality, and
are practically the only reference we have for how things are supposed
to work.</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br />That's why it's too bad that <a href="http://www.youporn.com/">youporn</a> failed. As for romance
novels . . . all romance ends in marriage (or consummation). Once a
relationship has been achieved in a story, all of the tension is gone.
The honeymoon period fades after 6 months to a year. What is there to
talk about then? Just as porn doesn't want to film women who aren't
actively screaming or talking dirty, romance novelists don't want to
record negotiating with your boyfriend about whose turn it is to wash
the dishes. Yet demure sex and daily chores make up an important part of
a relationship. It you don't have them, your relationship is probably
on some kind of artificial steroidal high.</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br />A <a href="http://nymag.com/news/features/70976/">recent article</a> in New York Magazine talked about how porn may
be causing some guys to "fake it" in order to compete with porn's
standard. Woman have been <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFpnPZpFTEk">doing that</a> for ages. Sure, to do
otherwise may be awkward, but it would also elicit an actual discussion
about what could have been better--you know, intimacy? (though you may
not want to have that intimate discussion with a one-night stand you
picked up from a Broadway show). Porn may also lead men to have less
interest in their actual wives/girlfriends (more on that later). It may
also lead to imitation from women which, ironically, freaks men out.</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br />
So are fundamentalist Christians right? Does porn interfere with a man's
relationship with his woman? Is it cheating? Maybe. Porn can become an
addiction, and women aren't fond of their men having addictions (to
sports, video games, work, drugs, etc.). Men don't like it when their
women have addictions either (to shopping . . . etc.). Porn can
be a problem if it interferes with or starts to become a replacement for
a relationship. One man in the article turned porn into a very
engrossing hobby that he prepped for. Another man used porn to aid sex
with his wife. Neither of these relationships seem healthy to me.</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br />
Porn can become dangerous simply from a behaviorism point of view. Man
watches porn (i.e. masturbates to it). Man receives positive
reinforcement--not just in the release of semen, but in the release of
oxytocin which leads to an emotional attachment with the porn. Man
starts to watch more porn. Unfortunately things aren't so
straightforward in actual sex. Sometimes the woman is tired or grumpy or
angry at you or just not into it. Sometimes she doesn't cum. Sometimes
she's been nagging at you to pick up your brown socks (though I don't
know if men withhold sex as emotional blackmail the way women seem to
do, it makes sense that if you're upset with a person, you're less
likely to want to have sex with them, unless you're one of those people
who view sex as an act of violence and domination). Sex in an actual
relationship is not as reliable (though a bit more reliable than
hook-ups) or instant gratification centric as porn. Get used to it,
guys.</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span>Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-6968844550438699472012-04-05T19:59:00.001-07:002013-01-18T16:56:08.524-08:00Chivalry be Dead<span style="font-size: large;">This post was inspired partially by a discussion I had with my friends about appropriate boundaries with members of the opposite sex and partially by a historical art series ("Romance and Reality" by Lord Kenneth Clark) that my boyfriend was watching last night.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Appropriate boundaries with members of the opposite sex:</span></b><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We live in modern times, where depending on the culture of your clique, it's okay to put your arms around your friends or slap them on the butt or be friends with benefits. That being said, your partner may not always be comfortable with all that. This whole discussion came up because one of my boyfriend's girl friends whom he has not seen in awhile innocently but inappropriately crossed that line by jumping on him (as in jumped up to hug him, possibly wrapping her legs around him--I'm not sure, I didn't actually witness it). Later I asked my boyfriend if he thought it was appropriate. He got nervous and said that people thought it was funny, and that his girl friend didn't mean anything by it. That's probably true, in that his girl friend didn't think anything of it, but it still makes me uncomfortable. So I talked with two of my friends. One has totally inappropriate boundaries with her guy friends, but she helped me see that this was mostly about my insecurities. Then I helped her see that she would freak out if her own boyfriend did half the stuff she does with her guy friends. The other friend took my perspective x2 and said not only that my boyfriend should be respectful of my feelings, but that his girl friend probably had romantic feelings for my boyfriend and that she doesn't like the way they conduct themselves toward each other. More on that later.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Romance and Reality:</span></b><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">This series has to do with courtly love, which Kenneth Clark says was one of the strangest aspects of Western Civilization, popping up during the Middle Ages around the time of the Crusades. He mentioned that some people speculate that it came about from the love poetry of Persia (sure, blame the Asians), but he said that one more likely reason for its development had to do with the fact that a lot of guys went off to steal land during the Crusades</span><b><span style="font-size: large;"> (</span></b><span style="font-size: large;">war was more transparently for profit back then), leaving their wives at home. Women at this time in the Middle Ages actually had some authority; when they're husband was away, they were the boss. In the meantime, all of the gallant young knights who for some reason or another did not go to fight in the Crusades had to pay fealty to their lady. Think of the most well-known example of courtly love: Lancelot and Guinevere. Although the stories have changed over time, originally, Lancelot and Guinevere fell in love because they spent a lot of time together ruling Camelot while Arthur was away searching for the Holy Grail. Also, originally their love was never consummated. It was pure and chaste, like most courtly love.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Courtly love is when a man falls in love with an unavailable, usually married woman and pledges ever-lasting devotion to her because she's so beautiful, refined, and virtuous. It's associated with the devotion some religious figures have toward the Virgin Mary. Like one's relationship with the Virgin Mary, the woman may or may not even give the man the time of day (not even in a non-dirty way), but the man's devotion will still be unyielding.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">In the Middle Ages during the Crusades, this probably was an ideal. This way, the married woman really does get to stay chaste and loyal to her husband (therefore avoiding the problems of bastards), but she still gets some male attention. And the poor guys who have been tricked into this situation are supposed to be happy with it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But think about how messed up this is in modern times, when even in long-distance relationships you can communicate with your lover or jump on a plane. I don't think most guys would be happy with their girlfriends receiving devotion from some other dude, even if it wasn't consummated. But the real benefactress is, of course, the lady, nowadays referred to as a <a href="http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/43_relationship_expert.html">female lonely user</a>. Basically, she's not going to really get with her guy friend for whatever reason, but she uses him as a de facto boyfriend, sans the kissing, etc.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But how can a guy be a boyfriend if there's no kissing and no nooky? Well, how can you be "friends with benefits"? By separating the sex from the emotional intimacy and commitment. Friends with benefits have the sexual relationship and may even have some emotional intimacy (hence the "friends" part), but not the commitment. That's 2/3s of Sternberg's Love Triangle (I mean--Triangular Theory of Love). Girls with surrogate boyfriends have at least the emotional intimacy; there may even be some one-sided commitment, but there is no passion. At least not consummated passion. Flirtatiousness--fine. Sex--no-no. In case this is still unclear, here are some of the things a surrogate boyfriend would be expected to do:</span><br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Listen to girl friend's problems for extended periods of time.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Be available at all times to chat.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Sit next to girl friend or save girl friend a seat.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Accompany girl friend on errands.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">See and give commentary on her underwear.* </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Let girl friend hug put her arm around him.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Dance with girl friend. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">But not initiate any touching of girl friend. </span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-size: small;">*Not necessarily while wearing it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Numbers 1 th<span style="font-size: large;">rough 7 are guidelines for a f<span style="font-size: large;">unctional girl-girl <span style="font-size: large;">friendship<span style="font-size: large;">, but only if it's two sided. </span></span></span></span>What strikes me as weird about the relationship though, is the unevenness. This list is catering to the girl. It's not that the guy friend isn't getting anything out of the relationship, even if he's not secretly in love with her, but the relationship is primarily dictated by the girl's needs.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Well, yeah, some may say. Girls are needier than guys. Fuck you. But there do seem to be types of girls who "need" a boyfriend--someone to wait on them--literally. My boyfriend's girl friend moved from one long-distance boyfriend to a local one during the peak of their surrogate relationship. At one point, she was going to the city to see a play at night, but had class during the day. Therefore her boyfriend waited for her on campus the whole day. I'm not sure what he was doing. He had a laptop, I think.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We call these types of girls "princesses." They always need to be attended to, even if there is no immediate need, because what if? These princesses imitate the real princesses in the day of yore, when the female sex was considered too delicate to fend for herself, even as she was running her husband's estate. Therefore, she had both female and male attendants--chivalrous knights to pick up their handkerchiefs and whatnot. Not that the knight was supposed to expect anything in return. He was supposed to want to do it because she was so damn beautiful.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Girls, this is outdated thinking. No matter how beautiful you are, it's not okay to treat a guy like crap. It's not okay to receive without giving in return. You are not a princess. Pick up your own damn shit. Get your hands dirty--like a queen.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Here's my real beef with chivalry--it's sexist. Sure, it's nice when a guy makes you walk on the inside of the street for safety or opens doors for you or takes your jacket or pushes your chair in or stands when you enter the room--actually some of those things are annoying. I have to admit I let my boyfriend do the first, but I am kind of unobservant when it comes to traffic, so my safety may actually be a real issue. The other stuff? A non-issue. I know how to operate doors. It's okay if people help you out that way, as long as you help them back in return. Some girls might say this stuff is respectful, but I believe real respect is a two-way street. Chivalry is men treating women differently because of some essential difference, such as delicacy. Do I want my boyfriend to change the my lightbulbs? Yes. He's taller. But in a pinch I can do it myself. Besides, I'll make it up to him by searching for stuff under the furniture. Division of labor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Even before I connected chivalry with female lonely users (to be fair, I think guys can also be lonely users), I hated it because I view it as a deterrent to feminism. I know it's not an equal argument, but how can women achieve equality with men if they're still holding onto sex-specific privileges? Having a door opened for you is not equivalent to having equal pay in a work environment, but it's the idea that counts. Don't accept any chivalrous bribes! Fight for equality! Even in the dating environment! Go Dutch!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Disclaimer: I allow my boyfriend to steer me to the inside of the street, change my lightbulbs, and carry my bags. I convince myself this is okay because of my deficient traffic awareness and the fact that I am seven inches shorter and 75 pounds lighter than him. I refuse to let him pay more of the rent even though he (currently) makes more money than I do.</span>Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8918761249986121659.post-30016727214337825772012-04-03T10:50:00.001-07:002012-04-10T01:50:25.447-07:00Why Girls Go for Bad Boys<span style="font-size: large;">This has been a beef of mine for awhile, in theory. I myself never understood the appeal, but it became personal when one of my friends actually started dating a "bad boy."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Disclaimer: this is her own definition. My own boyfriend says that he's not really a bad boy. The definition of "bad boy" includes but does not necessarily require the following qualities: riding a motorcycle, being cool, being handsome, being hip, having disdain for society, having disdain for other people, displaying deviant behavior, promiscuity, being tragic, being emotionally crippled, and otherwise being a jerk.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I've talked about this phenomenon with a couple of people. One was a male cousin. Like me, he is super-rational. He did say that one of his reasons for getting into racing cars was because it could lead to a desirable "bad boy" quality. He also admitted that it's been his experience that girls are, in fact, drawn to bad boys. In the meantime, his sweet Japanese girlfriend was sitting there wide-eyed and interested to learn about this possibly American phenomenon. After all, we are the culture of James Dean and Clint Eastwood.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">There is also scientific experience to support the bad boy theory. After all, bad boys do not make good husbands, household providers, or fathers (or boyfriends). They're kind of selfish. So as far as evolutionary theory, scientists were wondering why so many women did, in fact, go for them. One theory was that they were handsome, virile, and testosterone (and therefore possibly violence) filled.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Disclaimer: While scientific studies show that all men with a propensity for violence have a high level of testosterone, many men with a high level of testosterone are not violent. So it's a necessary but not sufficient cause.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">But again, what good is a man that leaves you pregnant and then leaves you to raise the child on your own? The chances of you and your (his) child of surviving are significantly slimmer than someone who has a nice, consistent husband who doesn't cheat on you or beat you.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So evolutionary theorists came up with the handsome son theory. This theory theorizes that after you have slept with a handsome asshole who moves on to impregnate many other women without helping them actually raise the children, you give birth to a handsome asshole who grows up to impregnate many women without actually helping them raise the children. Evolution-wise, you still win, because your genes are being spread around by your handsome son.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">That's one (evolutionary) reason why women may be attracted to bad boys, or perhaps people who have undesirable characteristics evolved to become handsome, because who would put up with them otherwise? However, while I find evolutionary reasons interesting, I don't find them sufficient. After all, nature's only half the formula. There's also nurture.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The society I grew up in aspired to raise girls to believe that half of romance consists of a mysterious and dashing stranger out there who will be rough around the edges, but who overcome this to become their knight in shining armor and they will live happily ever after (see <i>The Mummy</i>, <i>Pride and Prejudice, </i>Disney, etc.). The other half has to do with sex.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Romance novels follow a similar formula, except all that mysteriousness and roughness applies to a steamy sex scene, complete with a near fantasy rape where the woman doesn't really want to because he's such a jerk, but at the same time really wants to because he's so sexy. So the guy basically rapes her. Consensually.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Did I mention that my friend was once talking with her TA about their jerk boyfriends who keep saying they'll do things, and sometimes even do after excessive nagging, but mostly don't, and they agreed that nice guys are boring? This has to do with nurture. In fact, it has to do with behaviorism. There is a licensed social worker who writes about Attractions of Deprivation.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">My boyfriend thinks the grammar of this concept makes no sense, just like I find the concept of Managing Up really annoying, but in our sound bite culture, you have to at least try and come up with a catchy name for a concept. Attractions of Deprivation does sound a bit more accessible and self-helpy and new-agey than something like "variable ratio/interval reinforcement schedule that leads to great resistence to extinction," which is basically the same thing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Jennifer Weiner writes in <i>Good in Bed</i> that in college Cannie took a science class in which rats were exposed to three different ways of getting food pellets. Some rats got a pellet every time they pressed a bar. Some rats never got a pellet if they pressed a bar. The third group of rats would randomly get a pellet if they pressed the bar. Obviously the rats who never got the pellet stopped pushing the bar, while the other two groups pressed the bar quite a bit. Then in the second phase scientists stopped giving pellets altogether. The rats who were previously used to a steady stream of food pellets soon learned that the trick wouldn't work anymore and adjusted. However, the rats who were on the random, variable ratio reinforcement schedule never stopped pressing the bar. Cannie says that she became her father's rat.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Well, a lot of women become their boyfriend's rat as well. They stay because, "maybe the next time it will work," and once in awhile it actually does. Hence the nagging that mostly doesn't work but sometimes does. It's exciting and suspenseful. It's certainly not boring. I also threw in interval reinforcement because, after all, boyfriends, even bad boy ones, are real people too. They might some day just feel like being nice. Girls stick around for that kind of stuff.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Going back to the sex. I recently read <i>No Cheating, No Dying</i> by another Weiner (Elizabeth--no relation, I think). She spent awhile trying to improve her marriage, including her sex life. Some of her research came across a theory that married couples purposely kill the passion in their relationship. This is predicated on the supposition that passion is based on unpredictability and mysteriousness. Those two things, while great for sex, are not so great for marriage. Most people want a stable marriage--it's one of the main reasons for getting married, commitment and the house and dog and kids and all that. Most people don't want their partner to be a stranger. You want to be intimate with your partner, to know everything about him/her. Unfortunately, these two things lead to bad, or at least boring, sex.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">There are ways of mitigating this stuff. Penelope Trunk wrote in a <a href="http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2012/04/02/how-i-decide-where-to-focus-my-energy/">recent post</a> that you can get the passion back into a relationship by speaking another language, wearing a wig, or even wearing a new necklace.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">In any case, I think bad boys (along with psychopaths and other emotionally abusive people) are unpredictable. They have this default state of assholeness with a side of douchebag, but once in awhile they're really great--just enough to convince others to stick around for awhile longer, because maybe this time it will work out. In addition, since most of them are incapable of real intimacy, they maintain an aura of mysteriousness that makes them both unattainable and desirable.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">There are two more dimensions to the whole "liking a bad boy" phenomenon. One is that, since bad boys are generally not that nice to anyone, the fact that they are sometimes nice to their girlfriends makes their girlfriend feel special. Yeah. I don't get it, but my friend's "bad boy" boyfriend once criticized my own nice guy boyfriend by saying, "I wouldn't want to be his girlfriend. He treats everyone the same"--meaning that he treats everyone nicely. This is true. My boyfriend does treat everyone nicely. Sometimes I think he treats people too nicely, to the point that his own nice behavior is frustrating to even him, but you know what? I'm proud that he's a nice person, and he does treat me differently from other people. Sometimes this isn't good. Because I'm closer to him, he doesn't mind asking me to not talk to him at that moment because he's busy. Most of the time, however, it's good. Some theories say love and emotional energy are limitless and shouldn't be rationed out. Other theories say that you do have a limited amount of time and energy and that you do distinguish your friends by treating them differently from others. However, even if you believe in the latter, I believe the one who is getting the most time, energy, and love in the case of the bad boy is himself.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Of course, girls do aim to change that. That is the last dimension. Girls are attracted to bad boys, but then quickly realize that they are not good boyfriends. Therefore, they go about changing what they were attracted to. My friend frequently talks about the need to "fix" her boyfriend, and when I point out various foibles she says, "I know! I'm working on that!" I used to be quite upset about both the way her boyfriend was and how he treated her, and then one day my own boyfriend finally made me realize that said bad boyfriend was happy with himself. It became my new mantra. He's happy with himself, so he'll never change. Why should I spend so much emotional energy wishing he were different? (Especially since he wasn't even my own boyfriend.) Now for some wise quotes.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.”</i></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>--Anonymous</i></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span class="sqq">“God,
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage
to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”</span></i></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="sqq" style="font-size: large;"><i>--Reinhold Niebuhr</i></span></blockquote>
<i><span style="font-size: large;">“Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.”</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;"> --James Baldwin</span></i><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The first quotation is to try and convince all the girls out there to give up on trying to reform your bad boy boyfriend. The thing is, he's probably smugly content with himself. Actually, I don't know; I think some of them are supposed to be miserably tortured about how no one understands them. Either way, it will be a very difficult process to change him (or her, if you're dating a bad girl/crazy bitch).</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The next two quotations are to give hope. You may not be able to change the person you're with, but you can change yourself. At the risk of getting sappy, I'm going to say that you have the power to change yourself in myriad ways. It won't be easy, but it's possible. You can start by giving up getting into bad relationships with bad boys (if that's what you want). So I guess I'm being hypocritical, hoping to change others. I have to admit I haven't managed to change my friend. In fact, I have given up. But I am hopeful that she will eventually realize things herself.</span>Sapiesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09693968014368280689noreply@blogger.com0